Friday, June 19, 2009



So we have tried the 'sleepover' thing with Reilly the Red.

Hasn't worked out so well.

Not quite sure why.

Maybe it's just too early.

But we are not going to try again until she is 13.

And here is why.

The last sleepover she had at our house was with a girl several years older.

It seemed like everything went just fine.

No one cried, or whined, or complained, or asked to go home early or asked to send someone home early.

The next day, after our little friend went home, I was emailing my BFF, Miss Merrimiff.

I started chuckling at one of the emails I got, as Miss Merrimiff was writing about a new 'boy' she met.

Reilly the Red asked me, "Whatcha laughing at Mommy?"

I replied, "I think Miss Merrimiff might have a new boyfriend."

Reilly the Red then put me into cardiac arrest when she asked,

"Are they going to have S-E-X?"

(And yes, she spelled it out S-E-X, just like that. She never said the word.)

I whipped my head around like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist", sans the chunky, green vomit.

She knew she had said something REALLY provoking.

I dug deep into the recesses of my aging brain to locate tips from child psychology, Growing Kids God's Way, and CPR classes.

"Don't Panic, Stay Calm, Pray, Assess the Damage."

All at the same time that the other part of my brain is screaming, "Where the HELL is this child's FATHER at a time like this????"

I took a deep breath and asked Reilly, "Do you know what S-E-X is?"

She said, "Yep."

I said, "Okay, what is it?"

She said, "Naked kissing"

Yeah, I wasn't prepared for that one.

I said, "Anything else?"

She said, "Naked wrestling"

I said, "Hmmmmmmm."

She said, "Are you mad?"

I said, "No, but I would like to know who told you about this."

She told me it was the little girl who had left our home several hours earlier.

I said, "Okay."

She wanted to make sure that neither she nor the little girl were in trouble.

I assured her that they were not in trouble.

And then I told her to sit down, that we were going to have a talk.

People, this child is SIX years old.

Call me naive, but I was not prepared for this discussion for several more years.

Then again, I wasn't prepared for my four year old son to get frustrated with 'morning wood' so clearly I am on the dumb side of the parenting scale.

But, what was I going to do?

Lie to her?

Not tell her?

Let it go and bury my head in the sand and pretend it never happened?


She sat down, and I told her.


In words that a six year old would understand.

And I EMPHASIZED that this was something that ONLY takes place between a husband and a wife and it is a COVENANT (she knows what that means) between the husband and the wife and GOD and it is something that little girls should NEVER be talking about, and is NOT something that she and JAKE would ever pretend to do and it is NOT something that she should be thinking about or worrying about or talking about and she if she ever heard her friends talking about it, she had an OBLIGATION to tell them they were discussing something INAPPROPRIATE and they should stop.

She had a horrified look on her face.


Like I was suggesting tonight-for-supper-we-are-having-roaches HORRIFIED look.

And then she stammered, "YOU........ and........... DADDY ...............THAT?"

I threw up in my mouth a little. Wasn't prepared for that one either.

I composed myself, and dug deep into my brain for the right answer.

I told her it was none of her business nor anyone else's what me and daddy do and when we do it, that she just needed to concern herself with her own business.

She asked me if we were done.

I said we were.

And she RAN out of the room.

And I RAN to find Two Swords.

And I went off on him!

And told him how difficult it was for me to have the conversation, and I probably totally screwed it up and why should I have to have all these conversations and he never does...yada yada yada.

And Two Swords said (with the same level of horror that Reilly had) "You told her THAT?"


And he shivered in disgust.

And I don't think we had 'relations' for months afterwards.

But....................the subject of S-E-X has not come out of Reilly's mouth since!

I'm counting this one a W-I-N.



  1. Yikes! I don't think any parent ever looks forward to that talk. I don't think Reilly will ever bring it up again. Now just keep the Captain in a bubble because I don't think he's going to let you off easy :-)

  2. eek......dreading that moment myself. I pawned "the talk" over to my husband with my the next one (my only girl) is mine. *shudder*

  3. dear god, woman...she may never have S-E-X EVER!!!

    naw, any time the subject comes up with my kids, i panic and start telling them everything. they usually start fidgetting and diverting their, i know it's time to shut up.

    like i tried to talk about breasts and periods with my daughter a tiny bit...just to open up the lines, and i totally FREAKED her out!!!

  4. I am laughing so hard I am in tears. I read this to my husband and he is laughing just as hard. I don't want to have the conversation about S-E-X with my children EVER!

  5. Well, Kendl, I guess I thought it was better if she heard it from me/us, then from TV or the school bus, or....who knows where. I just was floored that we had to face it at SIX! What is this world coming to?
    And since you're laughing so hard, I know you've been voting for my funniest blog ever, right?