Saturday, July 2, 2016




At 1:03 AM this morning, Jake woke me up.

To ask me:

"Mom.  What is an antibiotic?"


He did.

And because I continue to encourage learning and made a solemn promise to myself that I would always answer their questions using age-appropriate language, I rubbed my eyes, knocked on my noggin, and tried to answer his question.

I wasn't doing a very good job, because he wouldn't stop interrupting me with even MORE questions...

( all of Jake's former, current, and future educators.....I AM SOOOO SOOOOOO VERRRRY SORRRRY!!!!)

(ASIDE the person who called us The Family of Interruptors....KUDOS)

So I switched metaphors and decided to use the metaphor of vaccinations.

I got his attention, because he's not a fan of .... SHOTS.

But he IS a fan of history!  It's become his favorite subject in school, he loves watching documentaries, and he has begun to reference Revolutionary War, Civil War, WWII, and Vietnam battles by name.  And he's become quite the expert on the 13 Hours of Benghazi.  Loves learning about "almost all" of the Presidents....

So I decided to use the Polio Vaccine as an example.

I asked him if he knew of anybody famous who had Polio.

He excitedly exclaimed, "YEAH!  FDR!"


I then told him about Dr. Jonas Salk.

"His name was SOCK, Mom?"

"No, SALK.  Like WALK, TALK...."

I try to move on. Since it's 1:13 AM.

I think I did a respectable job,

Until he started screaming.  Yes, my lamb wa screaming.  At 1:17 AM.






If only he knew I "told" Doctor Jill to give him Measles, Mumps, Rubella, Diptheria, Whooping Cough, yearly doses of Influenza.....

I'll keep that little tidbit for another day.

Because, I am 100% confident that day will come.


Friday, July 1, 2016




I got takeout from the brand new Arby's in Clermont tonight. WOOT WOOT!!!  This town has been chomping at the bit for it to finally open!

Before I left, Jake said, "You know what I want, right?"

Me:  Yes. A plain Roast Beef sandwich with Curly Fries.

Jake:  Ok and NO ONIONS!

Me:  Dude, it's NOT McDonalds.  They don't have burgers. Just roast beef, chicken, and turkey sandwiches.

I left in the pouring Florida rain.

12 cars in line in front of me, 12 cars behind.

Got home in a much heavier rainstorm, dripping wet.

I got Jake's food ready for him, and allowed him to eat in front of the TV because it's Few Rules Friday and he "worked" so hard today, "helping" fix the roof by jumping off of it into the pool.


He takes one bite of his plain Classic Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich and yells:


Me:  ??????????

Jerk, I mean JAKE:  I WANTED that pulled roast beef pork sandwich with BBQ sauce on it that Dad makes!

Me:  Did you want beef OR pork?  Cuz they don't have pulled pork.  Only deliciously sinful synthetic beef.

Jake:  I THOUGHT you HEARD me CORRECTLY when you left!  THIS is not roast pulled beef pork!

Me:  You are correct. Beef comes from a cow, pork comes from a pig and Arby's comes from a laboratory.

JerkyJake:  I don't want anything from there EVER again!

Me:  Fine by me.

Jake:  Except their roast beef curly fries. I DO like those.



Silly String



Team Fallon has a tradition of whipping out Silly String on birthdays and special occasions.  Reilly's 14th birthday party on the lake was no exception.  When I handed over a case of Silly String to a few of the boys and said "Have at it, everyone's fair game, but you HAVE to get Reilly FIRST."  They looked at me in open-mouthed shock, thinking I was either the craziest or the coolest Mom in the universe or a bit of both, until I nudged my head to where Reilly was standing, and then the 2016 Silly String War was ON!  It was, as always, AWE-SOME, DUDES.

Unbelievably, a few cans of Silly String remained long after the party was over.

Fast forward 4 days and 15 minutes ago.

All I heard was a high pitched vampire-like scream, and a Ferocious Fourteen year old lowering the vampire voice to that of a wolverine as she bellowed, "YOU LITTLE Bxxxx!!!!!", followed by the slamming of the front door.

Whence Ferocious Fallon reentered the domicile, I asked in a normal tone of voice,

"Lemme guess.  Jake came in the house and sprayed you with Silly String?"

Ferocious:  YEAH!  And, he did it IN THE HOUSE!

Wise, wise Mom:  Hmmmmmm.  And he was unprovoked?

Ferocious:  Well....

Wise, wise Mom: (waiting ever so patiently)

Ferocious:  I sprayed him first.......but I did it OUTSIDE!!!!  I would NEVER do it in the house, MOM!

Wise, wise Mom hath decided to call this one a draw.  Even though Reilly started it, and used an expletive and should be punished, and Jake should be punished for spraying Silly String in da house...  I'm silently exploding with glee inside that Jake is FINALLY fighting back at the 8 or so years of bullying he hath endured at the hands of Ferocious.

Yeah, I'm a A Bad Mom.  A Real Bad Mom.