Friday, January 7, 2011





Not that incredibly bad Jermaine Jackson song that I have now subliminally placed in your head so that you will sing it all day long, perhaps even two.


My children again.

The torturous pirates.

They had been 'at it' for days on end.

One might blame it on cabin fever.

But they had been out and about quite a bit.

Others might blame it on normal, healthy sibling rivalry.

Perhaps, if they weren't constantly trying to bury each other ALIVE, or impale themselves on rebar, or simply elbow their own eyes out of their own heads.

Finally, I had a BRILLIANT idea.

And honestly, I don't have very many of those.

Especially when it comes to children or baking bread or putting ribbons and bows on bright paper packages.

No, I'm in the 'really bad idea' section of the Totem pole.

I digress.

As we were driving to see Gulliver's Travels the other night, they were BUCKLED in their booster seats and were STILL physically attacking each other.

Red, the smarter of the two, the more negatively manipulative of the two, grandest instigator in all of sisterhood.

The Sparrow, the not so smarter of the two, but definitely the stronger. And he acutally possess the power to manipulate himself INTO a cookie jar, hence no need to learn how to manipulate him self out of a cookie jar in the first place. Does not yet possess the social skills to manipulate, but he knows that he doesn't, and he is watching, waiting, observing, and stalkng the Grand Master at her greatest work.

I had to put an end to whatever the heck they were fighting about. Something like, the moon comes out at night, and the sun comes out during the day. Something THAT ridiculous of an argument had evolved to a car seat buckled full-on Slap Fest.

At the next red light, I casually mentioned the following plausible if/then theorem to Reilly the Red, "What would happen if you ever needed a kidney and if you wouldn't get one then you would die, and who is the ONE person on earth who you could call to save your life?"

And she knew.

And she was PISSED!

Because she knew!

I made her say it out loud.

"JAKE! Okay? Are you happy now? I'd have to ask Jake for a kidney!"

Me: "Well REilly, don't you think that perhaps you could start treating him like a human being instead of a wildebeest, just in case you might need that kidney some day?"

And the "FRICK A FRACK FRICK A FRACK FRICK A FRACK pretend cussing mumbled under breath."


Jake turned white as a ghost.

"Jake? If someday Sissy got really really sick and needed one of yours, would you give it to her?"

The Captain aptly responded, "HECK NO!"

And then Reilly got mad all over again.

I told her to settle down, and listen to what Jake had to say.

"Jake? Why wouldn't you help to save your sister's life?"

"Mom? Would I HAVE to give her my kidney? (Keep in mind, he has no idea what a kidney is, but he is getting the idea through this conversation for sure!}"

"No, Jake, you would not HAVE to give her your kidney, although if it is the only way that her life would be saved, wouldn't it be the right thing to do?"

He starts to turn purple and exclaims, "YEAH, SURE IT WOULD BE, 'CEPT SHE IS ALWAYS AND ALWAYS TRYING TO



Reilly stopped screaming.

Jake started to breathe again.

"Jake, if you might someday need a kidney, do you think Reilly would give you one to save your life?"

Sparrow -" Yeah, she probly would if I wasn't so mean to her all the time and screamed in her ears and threw dirt in her eyes."

"So guys.  Do you think maybe we can stop TORTURING each other and starting loving each other and treating each other the way that we know God wants us to?"

Reilly nodded a tear splotched face, "yes".

And The Sparrow succintly closed with, "Yeah, but only if, and I mean ONLY IF she quits with the TORTURING nonsense.  Cuz I really don't want to have to hurt her."

Okay you 6 year old, 22" tall, 35 pound Lilliputian. 


I thought we were GREAT until Red posits the question to end all questions?

"Hey mom?  What would happen if we both needed the kidney from each other that exact same time?  What would we do then?"

Um,mmmmmmm.    Beavis?     ummmmmmmmmm Butthead?    Hello?     Anybody home??????????

I winged it.

For the 4,972nd time.

"Honey, it's very unlikely that you would need the kidney in the first place, as your family has no history of Kidney disease.  But, to answer your question, you must believe me, and you must have faith in me that God would help us out.'

Reilly, "I get it.  I do.  But it kinda blows some holes in your 'be nice to your brother story, doesn't it?

I whipped my head around so fast, I didn't have to say a word.

She knew she was on the brink of immediate and swift tortrure.

"I'm sorry.  I'm oh so very sorry.  I promsie I'll be nicer to him.  I will."

The Sparrow - "NOW what's with the crying?  Geesh!"

"SHUT UP, Jake!"

And it's on.