Friday, July 31, 2009

Day Twenty - Sabbath

Today was our first day of rest in....

ten days?

twelve days?

How ever many days, we definitely needed it.

While Two-Fisted Chris and Mermaidelicious were off at work, slaving for the 'man', we slept in, stayed in our jammies all day, played with Two-Fisted Chris' computer and Wii games, played with Mermaidelicious' high efficiency washer/dryer, took naps, lounged on their super loungy couch, played with Roxy and Hurley, blogged, snacked, took naps.....

You get the picture.

You'll have to, because I didn't take any today!


I guess the biggest story of the day was that when Two-Fisted Chris got home from work, he and I went out to pick up a few things from the store.

Apparently, Captain Jake Sparrow went into severe meltdown status as soon as we walked out the door.

Billy Two Swords wasn't really sure what it was all about, but tried his best to calm Jake down.

At that exact same time, Mermaidelicious arrived home from work.

The Captain ran upstairs, mid-meltdown.

Two Swords followed him.

Sparrow was totally flipped out that he couldn't calm down and stop crying.

He kept telling Two Swords:

"I can't go out there!"

"I can't settle down!"

"I can't let them see me like this!"

Finally, he settled down, and no one else even knew what was happening.

But I thought it was really cute how conscious he had become of his meltdown state.

He just may be showing a bit of personal growth!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Day Nineteen - The Sucky Tuber

We spent the day at Zion, tubing down the Virgin River.

One of us was (and probably still is), the worst, most suckiest tuber in the history of tubing.


That would be ME.

Always stuck at the back of the pack.

Or beached like a whale.

That would be ME.

Hooked to Captain Jake Sparrow by a bungee cord, as a safety measure for him, but ultimately, who was in more danger?

Or stuck in some raging rapids whilst trying to save my daughter's life, only to be saved by my 'little' brother.

The sun hat, the fishing shirt with sunscreen fibers, the 75 block sunscreen, the oh-so-fashionable aqua socks, the ghostly-white scary legs....

Everyone else got the hang of it.

Seven year old, Reilly the Red.....her first time EVER!

And isn't she oh-so-fashionable in her new white sunglasses?

And when she wasn't trying to 'un-beach' me, Mermaidelicious was the official photographer of the day.

(And no, she is not naked.)

The expert tuber of our expedition: Two-Fisted Chris

There are a whole lot of things that I cannot explain that happened on this glorious day Under the Banner of Heaven.

Like, how the heck did Jake get mud on his EYE, but nowhere else on his body?

And what the heck are me and my brother arguing about THIS time? Was I trying once again to convince him that Ishtar is one of the most hilarious movies ever made, while he is once again trying to convince me that Family Guy is the best show on television or was it something simple like, "Dude, where's Jake?"

And did Captain Jake Sparrow really think that he could BUNGEE JUMP off of a 36" high porch, when he is 38" tall?

All in all, it was one of the best days of our lives.

Memories that will last forever and ever, amen.

And as Zion left its mark on us, we most definitely left our mark in Zion National Park.


Day Eighteen - Under the Banner of Heaven

Zion National Park.

The closest thing I have ever witnessed to heaven on earth.

They even have mountains named after Abraham, Isaac and Jacob!

Even the Captain said, "Hey! I know them! Those guys are in the Bible!"

(Yes, Miss Penny, he is actually paying attention in Sunday School!)

Believe it or not, I have not doctored any of these photos. The sky is THAT blue.

There is also a new mountain that was conquered during our visit to Zion:

Mount Fallon! As claimed by Billy Two Swords!

Two-Fisted Chris tried to claim-jump, but he failed.

It remains Mount Fallon.

We even told Jarmaine about it.

We drove all through the park, just in awe of God's creative splendor.


The Captain wants to know, "When are we going hunting?"

Have no idea where he got that idea.

Unless he mis-heard the word "hiking"?

Later, we took a bus tour through the park.

It was one of those two-car buses, with one driver, with the second bus getting the commentary by intercom.

The Captain was sitting in the front seat of the second bus.

As the bus started to move, he screamed at the top of his lungs,

"WHO is driving THIS bus????"

The rest of the bus riders cracked up. It was one of his finer moments.

As the bus made its regular stops throughout the tour, the Captain again exhibited his charm.

He stuck his hands out the window, waving to the people at the stops, inviting them to,

"hey, come on OUR bus! Come on! Our bus is cool!"

The bus finally took us here....

The Weeping Rock.

It actually 'sweats', and drips on you.

But in the case of Captain Jake Sparrow....

"Why is this mountain peeing on me?"


Day Seventeen - Utah


As we arrived in Utah, I was afraid Jarmaine had potentially steered us wrong.

It looked like what I thought the Grand Canyon would look like.

But of course Jarmaine couldn't be wrong.

This is Utah.

Gloriously beautiful Utah.

Until Billy Two Swords started driving through the mountains like a NASCAR driver on crystal meth (this was not meant to offend Jeremy Mayfield or any of his fans).

So Captain Jake Sparrow was given the front row seat, and I huddled in the back with Reilly the Red, so scared, I almost peed a little bit.

Finally, we arrived at our destination,

Zion Ponderosa Ranch Resort

...where we met up with my brother, Two-Fisted Chris, and his-oh-so-lovely wife, Mermaidelicious.

Upon exiting the car, Captain Jake Sparrow said,

"Dang! Kansas made our car dirty!"

Upon exiting the car, Billy Two Swords said,

"Where did that hole in the windshield come from?"

To which Captain Jake Sparrow said,


Oh buoy.

It is going to be a very long trip.


Day Seventeen - Jarmaine

Welcome to Denver.

It was during our trip through the Colorado Rockies.....

that I discovered Billy Two Swords had fallen in love with another woman.


It's true.

Sad to say it, but I cannot keep it a secret any longer.

Her name is Jarmaine.

And she is the only woman whom has ever given him navigating instructions that he has listened to.

Some of you may know her as Garmin.


I prefer to call her Jarmaine.

I can see the twinkle in his eye every time she says,

"In four point five miles, turn lefffffffffffffft."

Or the blush of shame in his cheeks when she gets a tad miffed at his refusal to follow her directions and says,



It was in Denver that I discovered his new crush.

Thankfully, Jarmaine is a loaner.

And will be returned to her proper owner the minute we return home.

In like four weeks or something.

Maybe I'll try to capture her sexy voice.

Or maybe not.

Day Sixteen - Bo-Bo's



That was Day Sixteen.


Not to offend our very good friends Miss Rita and Mister Jim, but....




We found Topeka!

And Bo-bo's Drive-In.

Which we had seen on Guy Fieri's "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives".

And can I just tell you.....


And I didn't even have to get out of the car?

And to go to the bathroom, you have to go into the kitchen, down the stairs, into another kitchen, past the seven million cans of lard they use to fry their PERFECT fries, to a single, exceptionally clean and clean-smelling one toilet facility.

Loved it.

I took a picture with Jake's disposable camera, so you'll have to wait for those pics to be developed, could check it out yourself...

Bobo's Drive-In - Topeka, Kansas


Did I just learn how to embed a link in Blogger?


Kansas is magical!

The home of the Wizard for crying out loud!




We had to leave Kansas.

And arrived in Denver for the night, after a very long 15 hour drive.

Jake only puked once! YAY! Huge victory!

And the hotel has a heated indoor pool and jacuzzi.


15 hour drive?

What 15 hour drive?


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Day Fifteen - Walking on Water


Day Fifteen, still in St. Louis with those scallywags, Commander Kelly, Dugger the Wench, and Seahag Savannah.

Our adventure for the day was the City Museum.

(I would love to link it for you, but I am still so STUPID that I don't know how to embed links STILL - SEVEN MONTHS LATER!, but here's their web address:

To be honest, we had never heard of it before, and were a little bit hesitant, that the kids would not be interested in such a place, but boy oh boy were we WRONG.

St. Louis is known for its architecture, and we were very impressed with the city, and were sad to fact, I am certain we will return there again for a more lenghty visit to do some more ooohing and aaahing.

The City Museum is a 7 story building in the city that was abandoned, and turned into the coolest interactive children's playground I have ever seen in my life.

All of the materials used in the building of this amazing playground were recycled, such as scrap metal.

Absolutely better than Disney World.

I mean, does Disney World have THIS?

Or This?

Yes, a playground inside the building:

as well as a playground ON THE ROOF!


Seven stories, on the roof, there is a ferris wheel!

As well as kids waiting oh-so-patiently to ride the ferris wheel seven stories up in the air but-oh-so-mad-that-Mom-and-Dad-snuck-in-first:

And Disney World doesn't have this guy....Ferris Bueller.....the nicest Ferris Wheel attendant that any City Museum could ever be graced with....

Seriously, if he could still be smiling after dealing with a boatload of pirates and sea wenches, then he deserves a shout-out on the blog!

WDW also doesn't have......

A skateless skate park!

Who knew?

And unless you are a grown up Disney freak (and you know who you are)....


forgetting that they are grownups.......

for a little while, and acting like the kids they wish they could be again.

EPCOT might, but Magic Kingdom certainly doesn't have this.......

If you live within 100 miles of St. Louis, or are ever planning to be, you absolutely MUST put City Museum on your itinerary. And I'm a grownup. Just think how much fun your kids would have.

And alas, we have the Captain Jake Sparrow Quote of the Day:

"Daddy, I want to walk on water, like Jesus did."


"Like this, Daddy."

City Museum walks on water in our minds.

We had a blast.

It was the perfect end to our way-too-short trip to St. Louis.


Monday, July 27, 2009

Not Me Monday courtesy of MckMama!

While in Las Vegas last week, we did NOT take our kids to one of those cool little fountain water parks for children.

I was NOT sitting in the shade underneath a play area.

I was NOT minding my own business, watching my children have watery fun from afar.

I absolutely,





all over my head..........
by a two year old boy as he clambered about the wooden structure.


NOT me.

And it is NOT as if I have NEVER pissed on anyone myself.

NOT me.

NOT in my whole entire life.