Wednesday, April 29, 2009




Facebooker alert!!!!

Did you know that you can change your Facebook language to "PIRATE"?????


You can!!!!

Scroll down to the very bottom of your Facebook page.

Click on English.

Click on English (Pirate).


Oh how I wish I could take credit for this!

Surrender the booty!

Ye are welcome, mateys!


Fish Water


I helped Reilly the Red get ready for school this morning.

She didn't need much help, really. She's pretty good about that most of the time.

So we get to the bus stop (which is at the end of our driveway), and I ask her if she has her water bottle.

She said, "Yes Mom, but can you get me some fresh water?"

I said, "Can't you just fill it up with water when you get to school?"

And then the strong-willed, opinonated, you-must-think-I'm-totally-stupid, six year old came out in force, accompanied with some oh-no-she-didn't hair tossing and hand waving:

"MOM! I am NOT (head gyrating) going to fill up my (hand waving) water bottle at SCHOOL (for crying out loud)! THAT water at SCHOOL tastes like (freaking) FISH (that's what I'm talking about) WATER!"

I indulged her.

God forbid a DCF worker accuses me of forcing my precious young'un to drink FISH WATER.



Tuesday, April 28, 2009



We were blessed this weekend with a visit by our niece, CJ, and her friends, Caroline & Jordan. It was a surprise visit, but a pleasant surprise.

Reilly the Red cried all day yesterday because she missed CJ. She only sees CJ once, maybe twice a year. She was quite smitten after this last visit. When I asked Reilly what her favorite part of the weekend was, she said, "Sitting on CJ's lap."

Captain Jake Sparrow now has a new best friend, Jordan. All weekend long, he would say, "Could somebody help me with this? Jordan?" Too funny. I think Jordan just might be as taken with the Captain as the Captain was with Jordan. But when I asked the Captain what HIS favorite part of the weekend was, he said, "When Bugsy farted." NOTE - Bugsy is the guinea pig with the insanely large eyes in the movie "Bedtime Stories".

Of ALL the fun things that happened over the past four days, Jake remembers a bug-eyed, farting guinea pig.


Monday, April 27, 2009

Not Me Monday courtesy of MckMama!

I do NOT lounge around the house in my husband's Fruit of the Loom boxer briefs.

No way, Jose.

NOT me.

NOT ever.



Thursday, April 23, 2009



Michelangelo had his David.

I have mine.

Captain Jake Sparrow likes to play in his room when he his naked.

Thankfully, he is only four.

If he still likes to do this when he is 14, then yes, I admit, we have a problem.


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Halloween 2008


If another person says I remind them of Sarah Palin....




Never mind.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009



The Captain had his four year old checkup last week, and had to get shots.

Yeah, the shots sucked. Just ask him. He'll tell you. He's still getting mileage out of them.

But the best part of the whole visit was the question and answer session with the nurse at the beginning. Part of the whole 'can this kid do what all the other four year olds can do' nonsense.

Nurse: "Can he hop on one foot?"

ME: I dunno. Jake? Can you hop on one foot?

I was pleasantly surprised to see that he could, in fact, very competently hop on one foot. He was even able to switch foots in mid-hop. Impressed, I was.

Nurse: "Can he draw a picture of a man?"

ME: No.

Nurse: "Are you sure?"

ME: Yes. Next question.

Nurse: "Can he dress himself?"

ME: Yes.

Nurse: "Does he tell stories? Does he have an imagination?"

ME: (quick, knowing glance towards Reilly)

ME: (cracking up laughing)

ME: (making a mental note to remember this one for Billy Two Swords' benefit)

ME: Oh yeah. He can tell stories. What do you think, Reilly? Can he tell stories?

Reilly: Duh, Mom. He can totally tell stories. That's all he ever does is tell stories.


Monday, April 20, 2009

Not Me Monday courtesy of MckMama!

I am NOT a very messy Christian.

I do NOT read my bible while watching very UNChristian television shows like "The E! True Hollywood Story - Britney Spears~Fall From Grace". (Do NOT admit that you do NOT do the same).

I do NOT struggle daily with my oh-so-very-NOT-many sins.

I have NEVER said, "I do NOT sin with my mouth."

I have NEVER cussed like a sailor. Ha!

My UNsinful mouth has NEVER embarrassed my husband.


I have NEVER heard the following, "You kiss your kids with THAT mouth?"

I have NOT taken the Christian parenting course, "Growing Kids God's Way."

NOT once.

NOT twice.

I did NOT learn how to be the best parent God intended me to be.

The lessons did NOT include very explicit instructions on what NOT to teach your children.



It should NOT surprise you to learn that...




..............proudly and repeatedly.........

....................teach Captain Jake Sparrow....

.......................(the already-contaminated-four-year-old)...........

.........................the word.............................................................

NOT me.
NOT ever.
NO way.
I would NOT do that.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The News


The Captain just emerged from the den, where he has been watching 'kid shows' while wearing his Spiderman jammies with black webs for sleeves.

He stood at the entrance with his hands on his hips, and complained very LOUDLY:

"Daddy? Do you know WHAT?"

"What, Jake?"

"You are not going to believe what just happened. I was watching my show, and all of a sudden, stinky Obama came on."

"WHAT? "

"Yeah, can you believe it? It's actually the news. But I know he's coming on. I just know it."

I love my children.

I soooooo love my children.


Thursday, April 16, 2009



How can you not just love this kid to pieces?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009



I discovered a new fabric softener today.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009



In honor of Easter.

Me and my Peeps.

He is risen.


Monday, April 13, 2009



Just sitting here with Billy Two Swords, getting back to 'reality' after a pleasant five day HALL-i-Day in the beautiful Gulf of Mexico.

He, in control of the remote, in front of the big screen.

Me, on the couch, Facebooking away.

Reilly the Red and the Captain watching a 'kid' show in the den.

Suddenly, I hear it.


I look at Two Swords.

He jumps from his recliner, nearly tipping over the Laz-Y-Boy.

He ran.

There was the Captain.

In front of the mirror.

With an electric razor.

And chocolate ice cream all over his mouth.


Captain: Tee-hee! I know! Isn't it funny?

After the yelling and admonishing and clothes changing....the Captain headed my way.

"Hey Mama! Daddy said I looked like a FREAKING CLOWN! Isn't that FUNNNNNYYYY?"


Ha Ha.

Ha Ha Ha


Thursday, April 9, 2009



I picked up Captain Jake Sparrow today from preschool.

He was very excited that tomorrow is the Easter egg hunt.

He informed me, "Hey Mom, do you know what?"


"I saw these boys hatch some eggs."

"No you didn't, Jake."

"Ya Mom, I DID! I saw them hatch some eggs!"

"Jake. Really? You saw some boys hatch some eggs?"

"Yep! They hatched them behind that tree over there, and over there by that car, and under that bush over there. See them?"

"Jake. They HID the eggs."

"Yeah! That's what I said!"

Why does my life sound like an Etrade commercial?


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I Don't Have A Mouth in My Head


Captain Jake Sparrow was listening to the family iPod in the car, singing really loud.

I mean, REALLY loud.

And I think it was "We Will Rock You."

Billy Two Swords was getting annoyed.

He is not the most patient of pirates.

So the Hurricane stepped in.

Hurricane: "Captain? You're too loud."


Hurricane: "Captain - can you sing in your head?"

Sparrow: "I don't have a mouth in my head, Mom."


Monday, April 6, 2009

Not Me Monday courtesy of MckMama!


I did NOT eat pounds and pounds and mounds and mounds and tons and tons of chocolate during my pregnancies in the hopes that I would be able to manufacture chocolate breast milk.




Sunday, April 5, 2009

From Here to There


It has been an incredibly long, beautiful, fulfilling, fruitful, fun day.

Today, was the first time that Reilly the Red and Hurricane Heather performed together at a Bell and Chime Concert.

So what?

Is that what you are thinking?

I'll tell you what.

My Old Best Friend, Marguerita, and my New Best Friend Miss Merrimiff and I discussed this over the most delightful celebratory sushi dinner this evening.

Marguerita put it very succintly.

She was watching the two of us play our chimes and our bells in our little country church. And she started reiminscing. About how we have been friends since, oh, 1985 or something. And the journeys that our lives have been before we were friends, since we've been friends....And she looked up at the cross at our church and remembered the day that I married Billy Two Swords. And she remembered the day that Reilly the Red was baptized. And she remembered how sick I have been on and off over the past nine years. And she remembered helping to pray Captain Jake Sparrow into the world. And she has been awed and inspired at the how husband and wife have taken a new walk with the Lord. And she saw me ringing those bells. And she remembered what a nerd I was in high school, and she thought to herself, "Hurricane is supposed to be on Wall Street somewhere, or running some global conglomerate. Hurricane was meant for greatness! She's not supposed to be the mother of two kids, in a sleepy little town, as a deacon and a bell ringer in a little country church! Who knew?"

And then, when she told me this story after the concert, we both agreed.

God knew.

God knew it in 1985.

God knew it nine years ago.

God knew it when those two miracle babies were prayed into this world.

God got me from here to there.

God meant me for greatness.

God meant for me to bring those two beautiful miracle babies into this world, if for nothing else.

I do my best to honor his choice each and every day.

Some days are better than others.

Today was a good day.

Today was evidence of how God got me from here to there.

To all my friends and family, new and old, near and far, thank you for loving me for who I am, for who I was, for who I have yet to become. Thank you for letting me be the sinner that I am, the weirdo that I am, the nerd that I am, the mischievous player that I am.....Thank you for letting me be me, and loving me either in spite of, or because of, who I am. I am nothing without you. All of you.

To my beloved husband, thank you for loving me in spite of my mouth, in spite of my past, in spite of my stubborn, arrogant, instigating streak. Thank you for loving me like I don't deserve, and for forgiving me when I would expect you to hold onto your anger. And thank you for those two beautiful miracle babies.

This post isn't about bells. It's about the journey from here to there. I'm still on the journey. What a wild ride it has been. I can't wait for what lies beyond the next turn.

And no.


In a million years, would I have ever dreamed that the formerly Heather Jean Fuhrer Fallon would become Hurricane Heather, aka Bean aka Heather Jean aka Rookie Bell Ringer of the Year aka Fallon aka Fal aka Falcon aka Mommy. Nor would I have ever dreamed that being Mommy would be enough.

But it is.

It is enough.

And yet so much more.