Monday, January 25, 2010



So The Captain is a weirdo.

This has been well documented.

And The Captain loves to dip his foods into condiments.

Like Ranch.

And Mustard.

And his beverage.

Yeah that one is not only weird, but it is totally disgusting, and that behavior has been deemed inappropriate and is severely punished when witnessed by the Hurricane or by Two Swords.

Actually, he picked it up from Reilly the Red. Which in itself is weird, because the only disgusting habit she has is thumbsucking.

I digress.

The Captain loves ketchup.

What kid doesn't, right?

So he loves to dip food into ketchup.

We allow him to dip appropriate foods into appropriate condiments.

French fries = ketchup.

Hot dogs = mustard.

Anything he doesn't like and won't eat = ranch = he is now eating EVERYTHING as long as ranch is involved.

Brilliant, I know.

So the other day, we put this on his plate, in advance of him sitting down and asking for it:

And then we added his homemade, fresh-cut waffle fries (Billy Two Swords is an AMAZING cook!), london broil, green beans, and applesauce.

Of course, we made CERTAIN that none of the food items 'touched', because The Captain is also weird about his food 'touching'.

Yes, we are fully aware that our son has issues.

And yes, we are fully aware that we kowtow to some of his issues.

And yes, we absolutely spank the heck out of him when really necessary.

Choose your battles, friends, choose your battles.


When the Captain sat down to this wonderful supper, to a plate filled with foods that he likes (all of them in fact!), he made one of those "bleck" faces.

I was completely perplexed.

He LIKES all of the food on that plate!

And we even put the ketchup on the plate for him!

And he has his drink!

And none of the food is 'touching'!

What in the heck is that face for????

So I went 'there'.

"Jake? What's the problem, buddy?"

He heaves a very deep sigh.

And then The Captain spoke.

"Was it really NECESSARY for you to put ketchup on my PLATE?"

Two Swords and I looked at each other, bewildered, yet in awe.

Not so much that he totally weirded us out by asking why we put ketchup on his plate, when we ALWAYS put the ketchup on his plate for him.

Oh no, we were bewildered because our son used the word NECESSARY in a sentence.

And he used it correctly.

And we were in awe, because for the first time, we actually had a sliver of hope that our, um, SPECIAL, son might actually finish kindergarten!

And maybe even graduate high school!

All over a little squirt of ketchup!

There is hope!

There is hope!

There is hope!

And yes, my kid is a complete and utter whackjob.....STILL.

But there is hope!


Saturday, January 23, 2010



Today, Billy Two Swords emerged


his deep chasm

of grief

and pain

and loss

and depression

and anguish

and self pity

and got the boat ready

and did what Florida Pirates do in January.

He took his daughter fishing.

Today is a good day.

Today I see hope.


of my tomorrows

are unknown

and frightening

and looming

over me

like towering

snowy mountains.

I'm waiting




An avalanche




The smallest misstep.

The tiniest oversight.

But today.

Today is a good day.

Today the sun came up for Billy Two Swords.

And the sun will rise for him again tomorrow.

One day at a time.

Sweet Jesus.






Did U Know.....?

While engaging in his morning 'poop' in the 'beach' bathroom, with the door wide open (as usual), Captain Jake Sparrow said:

"Hey Mom? Did you know that if you have green boogers in your nose, that it means you have diarrhea?"

I tried so hard not to laugh as I rushed to the laptop.

As I am typing this, he threw yet another fastball at me.

"Hey Mom? Can you come wipe my butt? Do you want to look at my poop first? I think it looks pretty cool."

And to think that for awhile there I wasn't going to have anything to write about anymore.

Life goes on.

Life with the Captain goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on...........


Monday, January 18, 2010

Not Me! Monday

At the children's chat at church yesterday, Pastor was NOT talking about parables.

He did NOT talk about the Mustard Seed.

Upon NOT mentioning the Mustard Seed, Captain Jake Sparrow did NOT very loudly blurt out:

"WHAT? There are NO seeds in MUSTARD! HA!"

To whit Pastor did NOT mistakenly further engage the Captain by NOT saying, "Well, as a matter of fact, MUSTARD certainly does NOT come from seeds. DON'T you know that?"


The Captain did NOT rebut with a very sarcastic laugh, as if to convey to our Pastor that the Sparrow was NOT far wiser by saying, "MUSTARD? From a SEED? Are you KIDDING ME?????"

Thankfully, Pastor did NOT move on to another parable.

Each and every Sunday, Billy Two Swords and I do NOT take a deep breath and close our eyes and bow our heads each and every time The Sparrow heads to the Children's Chat. No we do NOT!

Not us!

NO way!

Our son would NEVER do such things.



Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Tell Them That You Love Them


There is NO place like home.

She says as she mindfully thanks her neighbors, some here, some there, ALL treasured and loved, wow we have such amazingly special people in our lives

Then she rubbed her eldest, of the ancient age of seven, caressing an aching back from sledding and a 14 hour car ride at MACH 5, praying with her until her breathing became less labored, praying that we can ask God to tell Daddy He loves him, since Grandpa never did, and asking Him to try to fill that deep crevice in Daddy's heart.

Then her seven year old brilliantly beautiful, but always her sweet baby girl, drifted off into peaceful slumber.

She then was summoned to the room of her youngest.

Always precarious and never boring.

Barterings for book reading bedtime extensions were attempted and quashed.

More of the same prayer, but toned down to his 4/5 year old level.

And hugs and kisses and more hugs and the ever present "if daddy snores tonight will you come sleep with me?'.

Of course I will, my precious and beautiful baby boy. Of course I will.

And with that, both babes are asleep in their own beds, alone, for the first time in weeks.

Not knowing what was up and where was down.

But knowing that normal wasn't there.

But now they are back at normal.

With big deep breaths and sighs of cathartic relief, like no sound I had ever heard from two baby faced children before.

But then, they just learned that human life is not an eternal promise.

Those are saved for eternity.

A concept they are just now beginning to understand.

They know they are warm.

And safe.

And home.

And happy to be there.

And in their own beds.

And these babes of mine, they absolutely know that they are loved and admired and awed and prayed for each and every day.

And they are TOLD that they are loved each and every day.

Which is why we are now praying for the chasm in Daddy's heart to be filled.

The chasm that runs deep and wide, from a boyhood and manhood empty of hearing the words 'I love you' and 'I am proud of you' from a father devoid of that capacity.

Oh, he loved.

He loved many and he loved full.

But he could not say it.

And my dear sweet husband needed to hear it, but never did.

Those three most precious to he love and adore him and slather him with love and attention and pride and joy.

But still.

The chasm.

I take that chasm and lift it high into the graceful hands of the Great Healer.

We will love that chasm away someday.

I just know we will.

And I have found the place where I choose to hang my hat at the end of the day.

Aaahhhh sweet Jesus, Mother Hen has come home to roost.