Monday, February 13, 2012

Me Bloody Bucket List



We Pirates have discovered the greatest television show in the history of, well...television.  It's called "An Idiot Abroad- The Bucket List", and you simply MUST watch it.  But only if you put the subtitles on.  Cuz you'll be laughing so hard you'll miss more than half the stuff the bloody bloke has to mutter.  Just trust me on this one.


Karl Pilkington, the Idiot in question, hath inspired me to write me own bloody Bucket List.  This is my first gander at such an enterprise, and the entries are in no particular order.  I've crossed through those I've already accomplished, just so you know I really do did have a life once upon a time.

Here goes nuthin'!

  1. Greece
  2. The Grand Canyon
  3. Fundamentalist Mormon Utah, aka Colorado City
  4. Visit the desert island of Aruba, get plied with Aruban tequila at Carlos and Charlie's, do some other dastardly deeds a few hours later, then get on a plane and safely return home without meeting Johan van der Sloot.  Whew - THAT was a close one!
  5. Find Jesus.
  6. Wear a pair of Louboutins, if just for a day.
  7. Travel in zero gravity
  8. Swim with the dolphins
  9. Alaska
  10. The Motherland, aka, Ireland
  11. A 3-week Mediterranean cruise (with or without children, I'm not all that picky.  'specially since I got me some well-boated, well-traveled pirates).
  12. Marry my Pirate Charming
  13. Hawaii
  14. NYC
  15. NYC again
  16. NYC again with Pirate Charming
  17. NYC again with all three Pirates in tow
  18. Audit a class at an Ivy League school
  19. A golden ticket to Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory, although a vacation to Hershey, Pennsylvania will in fact, suffice.
  20. Travel this great nation of ours, from sea to shining sea, watching the wonders of the world unfold through the beautiful blue eyes of my amazing husband and delicious children.
  21. Become a PUBLISHED author.
  22. Wear those Louboutins on Fox & Friends while sitting on the Curvy Couch with Doocey, Carlson, and Kilmeade.
  23. Be deemed "CURED"
  24. Live to see the day my daughter and/or spawn make their first closing arguments as snappy prosecutorial attorneys, wearing Louboutins or Brunos.
  25. Have a beer with Bruce Willis.
  26. Spend a Sunday afternoon Sabbath with George and Laura.
  27. Have a clean house
  28. Join a rock band (Hey!  I just did this one YESTERDAY!  Woohoo!)
  29. The 17 mile drive
  30. The Don Cesar
  31. Watch Cal Ripken, Jr. play in Memorial Stadium AND Camden Yards
  32. Get to see Nolan Ryan pitch (this ain't gonna happen.  I missed him by ONE STINKING DAY in the rotation.  That bit of poor planning on my part will haunt me til my dying day, I assure you.
  33. Eat raw fish, aka, discover the wonder, awe, and delight of ahi tuna
  34. Laugh every single day of me life.
  35. Pearl Harbor
  36. The Punchbowl
  37. The Gateway Arch
  38. Tubing in the Colorado River
  39. Lobster
  40. Chilean Sea Bass (on someone else's tab, DUH)
  41. The Greenbriar
  42. Whitewater Rafting
  43. Be a Contestant on Jeopardy' be continued.

Friday, February 10, 2012


How is it possible that THIS KID......

Yes, indeed...THIS Spawn of mine........

Can properly spell, pronounce, write, read, and correctly define words such as VERTICES and ESOPHAGUS, while successfully playing hide and seek with himself in the linen closet?



No Greater Joy


This motley crue of mine, we live, we laugh, we love.

We suffer from time to time.

Who doesn't.

There is no sliding scale of suffering.  You don't get extra points for dropping a fire extinguisher on your foot than for birthing a spawn.  You either suffer -- or ya don't.

Right now?


We ain't suffering.

You might think we should be.

You might be.

But we're not.

We're living and loving and laughing.


And we find no greater joy than in giving, sharing, helping, and serving others.

No, you might not know that about us pirates, we Team Fallon.

'tis true though.