I do NOT pride myself on having a pretty decent fashion sense.
I do NOT 'know' my own personal style very well.
I do NOT try to look my best when going places other than, McDonalds or the grocery store.
I have NOT had a little bit of a struggle lately with my weight.
I have NOT experienced a steroid-induced puffy weight gain that makes me look like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade balloon.
When dressing for church yesterday, I did NOT realize that NONE of my black pants fit me.
I did NOT play bells in church yesterday, which did NOT necessitate the wearing of black pants.
When faced with the prospect of having NO black pants that fit, I did NOT start crying in my closet.
That would NEVER happen.
And I absolutely, positively did NOT resort to wearing my black PILATES spandex exercise pants to CHURCH!
That could NOT have happened.
But it did.
I could NOT have worn exercise pants to WORSHIP! Could I?
And because I was NOT worked up about the pants and the weight and the balloonish buffoonery that has NOT become my body, I did NOT play the wrong bells for TWENTY FIVE measures, NOT once, NOT twice.
NOT for two separate services.
This is NOT ludicrous.
I did NOT wear exercise pants to church!
And I did NOT play the same exact WRONG bells for the same exact TWENTY FIVE measures at two distinct performances, two hours apart.
Oh how I wish this were NOT true!
Exercise pants! Wrong bells! What a nightmare!
I must have dreamt it!
I did NOT.