Not Me Monday courtesy of MckMama!

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When I was in high school, one hundred years ago, I was NOT an ugly duckling.

I have NOT since morphed into a beautifully fashionable, redheaded vixen, who just so happens to be UNboastful and UNprideful.

But I DIgress.

Back to the hell of puberty:

I did NOT have lesbian hair (NOT that there is anything wrong with that!).

I had NO fashion sense whatsoever.

I did NOT wear makeup. NONE.

I was NOT a complete and utter dork.

I was NOT a bookworm.

I was NOT a tomboy.

I was NOT as flat-chested as a two by four.

And I NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NO,

NEVER

stuffed cottonballs into a bra I had NO reason to wear.

AND.....

On the third day after giving birth to my first child, when my milk 'came in', I did NOT run butt-naked towards my husband screaming:

"Look at THESE!"

"They are HUGE!"

I did NOT go shirtless and braless all day.

I did NOT stare at them all day.

I did NOT play with them all day, between baby feedings, when I did NOT continue to stare at them in amazement.

I did NOT pray to God that I could keep them.

They were NOT hard as a rock.

They were NOT painful as hell.

They were NOT absolutely, positively, the most beautiful boobs I had ever seen in my life.

Sigh.

They did NOT disappear.

NOPE.

They did NOT.

Sigh.