Oh how I wish this Not Me Monday were Not.
Today, I did NOT miss church because of a NOT sick kid.
In my absence, Billy Two Swords did NOT accompany Captain Jake Sparrow.
At church, my very good friend Miss Karen did NOT give Billy Two Swords a gift of in-process Amish bread for me.
She did NOT include a sample of freshly baked bread.
Upon receiving said GIFT, I was NOT extremely UN-gracious.
I did NOT immediately assume that this was NOT some silly chain of bread baking.
I did NOT actually curse Miss Karen under my breath.
I was NOT thinking "I can NOT participate in the baking of bread and sharing with friends."
I did NOT call Miss Karen and ask her why she was NOT mad at me.
Miss Karen did NOT respond, "Why? For NOT giving you BREAD?"
I was NOT selfish at all today.
I did NOT look a gift horse in the mouth.
I could NOT possibly be so obtuse as to ask a dear friend "WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU NOT BE SO UN-KIND AS TO NOT GIVE ME A LOAF OF BREAD?"
I would NEVER do such a thing.
I could NOT possibly be such a jerk.
I do NOT still feel terrible, seven hours later.
Unthankfully, Miss Karen does NOT know me enough to NOT forgive me and NOT love me in spite of myself.
Oh, and by the way....
The bread was disgusting. It was the worst bread I have ever tasted in my life. I can't imagine how this recipe has lasted for generations upon generations.