Day Twenty Two - One Degree from Guy Fieri

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So.

The afternoon/night/morning away from the pirates.

Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

And what did we talk about during our 'date night dinner'?

The kids.

So was it REALLY a night away from the pirates.

Wellllll............

What happened in Vegas stays in Vegas....but......

GUESS WHO WE MET IN VEGAS?

GUESS!

GUESS!

Guy Fieri!

So we are now ONE degree from Guy Fieri!

How much more excessive punctuation am I going to use in this post????

Can you tell we were excited??

We LOVE the Food Network.

For a whole lot of reasons.

Mainly because we love food.

Duh..

But it is also G-Rated television.

So the Pirates can watch it too.

And they love it.

So anyway.

A measely FOUR hours after Two-Fisted Chris was bragging about meeting "That Guy (PHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA) from the Food Network",

we were strolling through the Palazzo,

pretending to be uppity-upps,

acting like we belonged there,

shopping for a pair of black socks for Billy Two Swords since he lost a black sock in Pittsburgh,

when lo and behold,

who do we see?

GUY FIERI!

Looks exactly the same as he does on TV, with the hair, the casual clothes, the shades backwards on his head........surrounded by TV people.........

We do a double take, and Two Swords says, "Hey Man!"

And he says, " sup"

And I say, "HEY! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT WE WENT TO BO-BO'S IN TOPEKA KANSAS AND WE LOVED IT AND IT WAS AWESOME AND IT WAS THE BEST CHEESEBURGER I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU (WHILE I AM VERY WEIRDLY WAVING MY HANDS AND ARMS IN THE AIR IN A WAY I HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE BUT PROBABLY WAS REMINISCENT OF THE WAY ELAINE BENES DANCED ON SEINFELD) AND YOUR SHOW AND WE LOVED IT AND WE LOVE YOUR SHOW AND YOU'RE AWESOME AND WE NEVER WOULD HAVE WENT TO BO-BO'S WITHOUT YOU AND YOUR SHOW (AND BY THIS TIME HE IS BACKING UP REALLY QUICKLY AND BILLY TWO SWORDS IS MOVING FORWARD VERY QUICKLY AND I HAVE VERY QUICKLY REALIZED THAT I HAVE SAID ENTIRELY TOO MUCH AND AM ACTING LIKE I JUST MET THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON IN MY LIFE WHEN IN FACT I HAVE AND OH MY GOSH I AM TALKING JUST LIKE JAKE WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME I HAVEN'T EVEN STOPPED TO TAKE A BREATH) AND HE SAYS "GREAT" BUT WHAT HE REALLY MEANT WAS "freak".

And for the next sixteen hours, all I can say is "I'M ONE DEGREE FROM GUY FIERI! HA!"

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Two Swords purchased a pair of black socks at Barney's.

This has to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever written.

Ever.

I clip coupons.

I buy detergent and Crystal Lite from Amazon.com in CRATES four times a year, because it is the cheapest.

I roll pennies and cash them in at the bank. Yes. Pennies.

I have not purchased a new bra in four years.

I wear Old Navy $24 jeans.

I am not CHEAP, nor am I FRUGAL, but my best of friends will tell you that I am CHALLENGED by the ART of purchasing.

I am not a shopper.

I am a BUYER.

That being said.....

Here we are, at one of the most luxurious hotels East or West of Dubai.

Shopping for black socks.

Twenty two freaking dollars for ONE PAIR OF BLACK SOCKS.

ON SALE.

Okay, Florida friends, start breathing again. Slowly. Count to ten.

I informed Mr. Two Swords, that at that very moment, we were currently UNDER budget for our vacation, but if we went OVER budget by TWENTY-TWO dollars, he would have to come up with the money, as a penalty for losing a black sock in the Bridgeville, PA Amoco station, as well as for not ASKING MY BROTHER 'HEY MAN CAN I BORROW A PAIR OF BLACK SOCKS' before we left his house.

Wow that was a hard one for me to admit.

But it is true.

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Back to some normalcy.

Two-Fisted Chris (who by the way, did not get his pirate name because he always has a drink in each hand, nor because he is a boxer) brought the Pirates to the Palazzo in the morning to enjoy our ridiculously undeserved suite, revel in the late check-out, have brunch at the Concierge lounge (yes - us Southern redneck pirates were hanging at the Palazzo Concierge Lounge in our jean shorts and flip flops) and swim in the "P" pool.

The kids loved it.

It was great fun.

To pretend.

They were really good, and we had fun swimming and gazing at the awesome surroundings.

On the way out of the Palazzo, of course you have to walk through the casino. Duh.

Captain Jake Sparrow says, "Mommy, why can't WE play any of those cool video games."

HAHA

Slots.

Yeah, right.

For the same reason that you can't drink vodka tonics.

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We headed home to Casa De La Delicious.

We had a very nice dinner for six.

We downloaded our mini-getaway, and we got to hear all the 'babysitting' scoop, and all the stories the kids had to tell.

Then there was a momentary pause in the conversation (yes, this is MY family we're talking about).

Sparrow wants to play the "Guess Who I Am Game".

Uncle Chris and Aunt Mer have no idea how to play.

So we Florida Pirates go around the table a couple of times mimicking people that all of us know, and Uncle Chris caught on pretty quickly.

Aunt Meredith sat out a few rounds, and then finally she says, "I know one! I know one! I know one!"

And we waited.

And she said,

"Pickle? Pickle? Pickle?"

And Jake screamed:

Me! Me! Me!

That's Me! That's Me! That's Me!

And we all laughed and laughed and laughed.

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