The Damn Tour.
As in the Hoover Dam.
Now, why do I have to use profanity, you ask?
Well, for one thing, this blog started out as a 'G' rated blog.
It has very quickly been demoted to 'PG-13'. We totally skipped 'PG' Not sure how that happened, other than,
"Have you MET me?"
and may border on 'R' by the time you finish reading this, or perhaps, just looking at the photos.
But that's not why it's called the Damn Tour.
When you approach the Hoover Dam, there are blue signs that say "turn your am dial to 1600 for Dam instructions."
But when you turn your dial to 1600, this is what you really HEAR:
"Upon entering the DAMN attraction,
please park your car in the DAMN lot.
The DAMN tour will begin in 15 minutes.
The DAMN tour will take approximately 1 and 1/2 hours.
Flash photography is allowed during the DAMN tour.
Please do not through anything off the DAMN bridge.
Please do not hang over the DAMN bridge.
The DAMN tours will end at 6 pm."
And that's really all I have to say about the Damn Tour.
Rather than take the Damn Tour, we opted to boat instead.
That's right, because we're Pirates, and that's how we roll.
We entered on the Colorado River side, and totally skipped Lake Mead.
Here is Captain Jake Sparrow teaching Black Jack Bentley how to pretend to drive a boat.
And here is Reilly the Red actually DRIVING a boat, whilst Black Jack reaches for an adult beverage that absolutely, positively, did NOT contain alcohol.
BTW - Red is a fabulous driver. I think I've mentioned this before. Go-karts, lawn mowers, four-wheelers, boats. Yeah, and she's seven. She is so awesome. She can do three-point turns and donuts. So in fact, she really and truly was driving this boat. She can even put it in reverse, and adjust the motor up and down. Reilly the Red ROCKS!
Oh, and by the way, we Pirates have become Explorers.
Not only did we conquer a mountain in Utah, but there is now a Mount Two Swords in Arizona:
This is Black Jack Bentley, claim jumping on Billy Two Swords' Mountain and thunder.
And of course, not be outdone, the only other person in the universe who requires, demands, and receives, more attention than Captain Jake Sparrow, Two-Fisted Chris not only claim jumped a claim jumper, he actually showed off by JUMPING off of his claim jumped claim.
Note to our mother: Yes, he really did. I screamed at him "Christopher, this is about the STUPIDEST thing you are about to do, and you have done some REALLY stupid stuff in your life like try to join the Marines, and run around the neighborhood in your Superman underoos while you put up all the flags on all of the mailboxes, and wear your underwear on your head whilst performing voodoo on Atlanta Braves baseball cards in your own pee in your mom's tupperware, but this one takes the cake."
He said he wasn't worried so much about the depth, but about the freezing temperatures in the 'hopefully' deep water.
It was 117 degrees that day.
The water was 40 degrees.
Okay, maybe 50.
But you get the drift.
There was some major shrinkage going on.
This is me and Lori Longstocking, enjoying, well, just enjoying.
And yes, if it were biologically possible, as you can tell by the look on my face, I would have had major shrinkage. It was COLD.
Oh, and that is Billy Two Swords WAY out in the background. Trying to see how far he can drift away.
Obviously he didn't drift too far away, because he was back to pose with one of his two favorite pirates.
Can you believe that my two children are playing together NICELY?
And here we have another (in the words of Captain Jake Sparrow),
Perhaps he was complaining that we had run out of cantaloupe?
Back to the splendor of the scenery:
How many have you have ever seen a sight this utterly amazing, this close, for real, in real life, with your own two eyes?
A Bighorn Ram
How beautiful, yet how.....
utterly disturbing that this guy is a Polygamist Ram, with his own harem?
And for the grand finale of the day.
I'm sure all of you have seen a rack of lamb before.
But have you ever seen a SACK of RAM?
And now you know why my blog is now 'R' rated.