Not Me Monday!

Last week, I was NOT offically asked if I would take some photos of all of our church members and church family to combine our phone and address directory with photos of our wonderful church family.

Upon receiving this request, I did NOT firmly believe that I was woefully UNprepared for such an adventure.

You see, I am NOT a professional photographer.

I have NEVER taken a photography class in my life.

I do NOT know a shutter from a F stop. Ha. Are they even the same thing? I do NOT even know!

I do NOT have way too much camera than I am entitled to.

My being hornswaggled into such an adventure, NOT withstanding, the other three members of the Fallon Pirate Family did NOT happily assist in any way that they possibly could.

Reilly the Red was NOT excited and enthusiastic about helping to draw the "COME AND GET YOUR PICTURES TAKEN" signs and post them throughout the campus.

Captain Jake Two Swords was NOT greeting people with "Good morning, My mom's taking pictures today. You better get in there!"

Billy Two Swords was NOT as fabulously social and neighborly as always, encouraging people to get their pictures taken, and if some of the ladies balked a bit, he gently reminded them that they had three other Sundays that they could make an appointment to sign up for, so they had plenty of other choices! Two Swords knew his role and he WAS not going to take NO for an answer!

I also have to give Two Swords his props for his oh-so-patient natures while assisting me the hanging of the background drapery.

I was NOT a pain at all in this process.

He was NOT wonderful at ignoring my nonsense, and getting the job done.

Beautifully.

THANK YOU HONEY!

The early morning quasi-Olan Mills temporary photo studio was NOT set up in our church libary.

I was NOT scrambling around looking for additional drapery as the drapery I had brought was NOT entirely TOO sheer.

I was NOT nervous at all.

NOooooooooooooooooooo way.

NOT me.

I had NOT shed my heels.

I was NOT bouncing around like a beach ball.

I did NOT lose my cool.

My voice did NOT enter that high-pitched zone that only doberman pinchers can hear.

I was NOT pretending like I actually knew what I was doing.

NOT me.

One of the shots did NOT involve a delightful family of five.

NOT being the greatly, perhaps OVER qualified photographer that I did NOT consider myself to be this fine, Sunday morning, I did NOT make the decision to place Mama and Papa in chairs, with the three adolescent children standing behind them.

One of these very well-behaved, and always kind, and always neighborly adolescent children did NOT happen to be quite tall. If he weren't such a delightful child, I might have referred to him as a giant, but NOPE, he is not a giant, he is a wonderful child, albeit tall.

So I was having difficulty getting THE perfect shot.

You know.

The one.

So I did NOT do it.

Nope.

NOT me.

NOT in my bare feet.

NOT in my low-rise super long jeans that everybody hates but me.

NOPE.

I did NOT just hop up onto a coffee table that is probably as old as the Ancient Sea Scrolls.

I took five shots.

All of them NOT nearly perfect.

And then.....

NOPE.

Did NOT happen.

I did NOT fall.

Down.

Onto the table.

Which then....

Did NOT fall.

Down.

And then....

I did NOT fall.

Again.

Onto the table.

NOPE.

And the entire time that I was NOT falling, NOT landing, and then NOT falling again, I was NOT thinking:

SAVE THE CAMERA! SAVE THE CAMERA! SAVE THE CAMERA! SAVE THE CAMERA!

I did NOT save the camera.

Phew.

NOT me.

NO way.

NEVER happened.
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