Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Deep Throat

~

So it's bath time once again.

The Captain is perfectly capable of bathing himself, shampooing his hair, and of course, flooding the bathroom floor.

So we let him take his baths or showers by himself, with the bathroom door open, and check on him from time to time.

Sometimes, we let him stay in the tub for 15 or 20 minutes.

Not because he is ever that filthy. No, not because of that.

Because Two Swords and I just might get 15 or 20 minutes of uninterrupted grown-up speak!

Yes, we are terrible parents.

Leaving our child in a bathtub filled with 4" of water and soap for 15 solid minutes.

Yep.

Ya got me.

Anyway.

Sometimes, the Captain comes up with some very, shall we say, UNIQUE, emergencies.

And by the word emergency, I mean, the need for immediate attention.

And by the words immediate attention, I mean, he just wants to 'see' us.

So here was last night's UNIQUE emergency:

Captain: "COUGH COUGH BLECK BLECK COUGH COUGH" (totally FAKE cough cough, by the way)

Completely unworried mother: "Jake? You okay?"

Captain: "COUGH COUGH BLECK BLECK. I need somebody to come here RIGHT NOW!"

Still completely unworried mother: "Jake? What's up?"

Captain: "You are NOT going to believe it, Mom!"

Still me, unworried: "Jake, what happened? You okay?" (Please note that your suspicions are 100% correct, and my very large butt has not left the couch yet to check on my perhaps drowning son).

Starting to get irate Captain: "MOM! There is WATER in my THROAT!"

Lazy Fat Butt Mother: "Oh. Okay."

(He stopped the fake coughing.)

A few minutes later......

Captain: "MOM! Don't you CARE about ME?"

Me: "Jake of course I care about you. What's wrong?"

Enraged Captain: "Well NOW it's in my BRAIN!"

Me: "Water?"

Enraged Captain: "NO! My THROAT!"

Me: "What?"

Enraged Captain about to abandon ship: "MY THROAT IS IN MY BRAIN!"

Me and Two Swords have not abandoned our posts, and we are just DYING to hear what comes next. Well, here you have it. Please keep in mind, that no, the Sparrow has not coughed nor fake coughed for at least ten minutes.

"MY THROAT IS IN MY BRAIN AND I THINK MY THROAT IS GOING TO CHOKE MY BRAIN TO DEATH AND NOBODY EVEN CARES ABOUT IT. NOBODY EVEN CARES ABOUT, ABOUT, ABOUT........

NOTHING!"



When I finally picked myself and my fat butt off the floor and traipsed down the hallway to the bathroom, he was sitting in an empty bathtub.

No water.

Nowhere.

Nothing.


1 comment:

  1. He's a riot. Our bathroom is off the kitchen, so I put the boys in the tub after dinner and leave the door open while I clean up. ONLY quiet I get ALL day. LOVE the bathtub! ;)

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