Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Red Roses for Con-fused Lady


The subject of this post should be sung to the tune of "Red Roses for a Bluuuuuuuuue Lady" by the great Jimmy Osmond, just for the record.

You know the one.

"RED Roooooo - ses,

for a



And now, blog audience, you are quite welcome for the jingle that I have just placed in your subconscious, which will play and replay over and over and over again all day today.


Okay, yeah, that's NOT the story.

So the other day, it was my birthday. If you were paying attention and reading my posts, you would have known this. Ahem.


Had a great birthday weekend, and a great birth-DAY.

On the day of my birth-DAY, I received the most beautiful delivery of long stemmed red roses. I mean, they were GORGEOUS.

September 29th clearly isn't anywhere near a flower holiday, so this bouquet was put together with lots of time, effort, and love.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Awwwwwwwww. Two Swords is the BEST!"


Yes, he is.

But the flowers weren't from him. And I knew they weren't from him. Not his style.

I digress.

So Two Swords and I are wondering who they were from.

Couldn't be my Mom, cuz I just saw her for my Birthday weekend, and she did a lot for me then , and she wouldn't send flowers on top of all that (nor would anyone or did anyone expect her to).

Thought maybe it was Two-Fisted Chris and Mermaidelicious, cuz that is DEFINITELY their style, but Two-Fisted Chris set his alarm especially early this Tuesday morning, to make sure he was the FIRST of my brothers to call me on my birthday (he ended up being the ONLY brother to call me on my birthday, but I digress and will take my baggage and stow it in the overhead compartment), and he told me that a card was on the way, and he's not all that great at keeping secrets, and I didn't sense that there were Vegas flowers coming my way, so I crossed him off the potential list.

So me and Two Swords read the card.

It was the most beautiful card! I would write the message for you, word for word, but wouldn't you know, I can't find the card RIGHT NOW?


Well the beautiful message was something like, "May God continue to bless your life with the most abundant of blessings, for you are most deserving," and something else beautiful, and something else beautiful and ...


There was no name signed to the card.

And I could not tell who had sent the card from the message.

One of the reasons, is because I just happen to be soooo popular, it could have been any of THOUSANDS of people.


So Two Swords and I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it, going through all the possibilities of people we knew who would have taken the time to write such a thoughtful note.

We came up with nothing.

So I decided to call the local florist, and see if they could tell me who sent the flowers.

So Local Florist says, "hmmmmmmmmmmm. Whoever placed this order did so through 1800flowers, and I don't have their name or their credit card information or anything. I can't even tell you what STATE they live in."

Once I heard this, I was able to eliminate about three people from my posse who I know absolutely HATE 1800flowers. And those three people were already eliminated from our mystery, as none of them would have sent me flowers on my birthday, or would have even KNOWN it was my birthday.

Mystery continues.

I ask Miss Local Florist if there was anyway we could call 1800flowers and see if THEY would tell us who sent the roses.

Miss Local Florist said, "I can try, but you know 1800flowers, who knows what they'll come up with."

Okay fine.

This wasn't enough for me.

I decided to send out the following email to everyone in my address list and facebook list, to see if I could solve the mystery my DAMN self. (nope, I do NOT have OCD. NOT me!)

I just received a beautiful bouquet of a dozen long-stemmed red roses for my birthday that did NOT come from my husband.

The card was attached, with a very sweet message, but no name was given

I have called the florist and asked them who sent the flowers, and they don't know, because they were ordered thru 1800flowers.

I would really like to know who sent them so that I may properly thank you!

And so Billy can stop worrying that I have a 'guy' secret admirer!

And I wasn't trying to call out the rest of you for NOT sending me flowers on my birthday, I just didn't know what else to do!

Thank you all for engaging me in my obsessive-compulsive-disorder!

Have a great day!

So here's what happened next.

I received about one hundred and sixty-three "man am I a JACKASS for not remembering your birthday, and man, I feel even worse that I never thought to send you flowers on the birthday I forgot, but Happy BIRTHDAY!"

So in a way, I elicited my own birthday messages!

Never thought of that before.

Might just have to do it again next year!


About eight hours later, Miss Local Florist finally called back.

The sender of the flowers was revealed.

My high school BFF - Miss Jayne aka MARGUERITA (remember her from the Sushi outing after the bell concert?) sent them.

The note was right up her alley. Should have known, however, she came to my little birthday soiree weekend, and I eliminated her from the list just like I eliminated my mother, because she had 'done enough' already.

But sweet Marguerita came through and sent me gorgeous red roses.

And here she is, in all her glory.

Friends, meet Marguerita. For the record, her maiden name was Reilly. I'll let you do the math on that one.

And now Two Swords is no longer worried that I'm having an affair. (with a dude, at least).

And I am still enjoying the beautiful roses.

And the one hundred and sixty three "Happy Birthday, sorry I suck emails."

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