Captain Jake Sparrow learned all about Johnny Appleseed in school yesterday.
Interestingly enough, I also acquired some new knowledge about Johnny Appleseed when the Sparrow recounted the version he had learned.
I took notes.
Very good notes.
Cornell notes, by the way.
Allegedly, this is what Miss Ashley taught him.
There was a man named Johnny Appleseed.
He drove around and planted seeds and went to people's houses in his truck.
He drove a truck, cuz he's a guy.
He had nowhere to sleep.
People let him sleep in their houses, but only downstairs.
They gave him ice cream.
And they let him watch TV.
They let him watch grown up fishing shows, and apple shows.
And then he traveled again and planted more seeds.
He kept traveling and traveling and traveling.
And then he went home where he lived far, far away.
He wanted people to see apple trees when they went apple driving.
This is the Johnny Appleseed Gospel According to Captain Jake Sparrow.
Thanks be to apples.