We did NOT celebrate my birthday a few days early this past weekend.
We did NOT travel to my parents' compound on the Gulf of Mexico.
We did NOT have our UNusual wings and beer and fries and grilled cheese sandwiches (for a certain young captain who NEVER has menu difficulties at restaurants).
We did NOT have our UNusual fabulous time at said wings and beer establishment.
During our NON-fabulous time, a certain young Captain (NOT Jake Sparrow!), did NOT have to get up from the table to use the restroom.
His father did NOT take him.
They were NOT gone longer than usual.
Upon finally returning to the table, Billy Two Swords was NOT shaking his head in utter disgust.
I did NOT ask the INevitable question, "What did NOT happen in there?"
Two Swords did NOT say:
"HE PEED ON HIS FACE."
I can understand peeing on someone else's face. Since the Captain has done this to ME before.
But how does ONE pee on ONE's OWN FACE?
Allegedly (according to Two Swords), the urinal was NOT too high for the young Captain.
He did NOT stand on his tiptoes.
He did NOT aim his 'unit' straight up into the air.
He did NOT pee on his shirt.
He did NOT pee on the wall.
He did NOT pee on his face.
He did NOT pee everywhere BUT the urinal.
When the urine-soaked Captain finally clambered up into his seat, I did NOT notice beads of urine all over my precious son's hair.
I did NOT gently wipe away said urine drops with a few napkins and continue eating my delectable teriyaki chicken wings with blue cheese dressing as if NOTHING UNusual had happened.
NOT in this family.