~
I haven't been feeling well the past few days, so I've been pretty much bed-ridden.
The kids know this, and respect it.
I have not been a part of supper time, or homework time, or tv time or any time, really, which is highly unusual, but happens from time to time when your Mama has Crohn's Disease.
It totally sucks, because I really like being a 100% part of my children's lives, not just because I'm their Mom, but because they are pretty interesting kids, and often have very neat and colorful stories for me to steal and put on the blog!
Anyway.
Last night, before Captain Jake Sparrow went to bed, he came in to my room to say goodnight.
He said, "Mama?"
I said, "Yes, Jake?"
He was shifting his weight from leg to leg, and you could tell he was either scared about what he had to say, humbled by what he was about to say, or he had to pee really bad.
Before we went any further, I said, "Jake, do you have to pee?"
He said, "No, I just went."
The uncomfortable shifting continued.
"Mama?"
"Yes, Jake?"
"I have to tell you something."
Okay, here we go. He broke the dishwasher by standing on top of the open door. I knew it. It was inevitable. Calm down, Rojo, he's fessing up, prepare.....
"What's up Jake?"
"Mama, ummmmmm, last night.........ummmmmmmmmm, when I was saying my prayers with God.......ummmmmmmmmmm........we were talking about my new sport sheets.............ummmmmmmmm......and Me and God Had a Talk about them.........ummmmmmmm............and God wants me to keep them...............and after God was done talking to me..............ummmmmmmmm.......I decided I really like them too....................................................................
...............so.........ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.........you.........ummmmm.........you don't have to take them back.
Is that okay, Mama?"
Is that OKAY?
Is that OKAY?
Of course it's OKAY!
It's OKAY because my little man is praying to God about sheets!
Hello!
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Which means...............my little man is also talking to the BIG MAN about BIG stuff, not just the little stuff like sports-themed sheets and comforters!
Woohoo!
We have gotten through!
One of our children has an amazing, heartfelt, honest, outspoken, relationship with God!
Woohoo!
And he's only FOUR!
Woohoo!
We don't completely suck as parents!
Woohoo!
And I don't have to take the sheets back!
Woohoo!
But mostly -----
We don't COMPLETELY suck as parents!
WOOHOO!
WOOHOO!
WOOHOO!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Take 'em Back
~
Captain Jake Sparrow has a new bed.
A REAL bed.
A REAL big boy bed.
It is a full size bed, actually.
He had a Crib for Life, and was in the 'toddler' stage of the crib.
Since he only weighs 32 pounds (even though he is nearly FIVE), there was no sense of urgency to move him into another bed.
But we came upon a pregnant single mom in need of a crib.
So we decided it was time.
We gave her the crib, and at the same time, Dirty Diana and Tide Water Ted gave us a full sized bed.
Everybody is happy, right?
HA!
Captain Jake Sparrow has done very well in his new bed, for the most part.
He likes being able to go to bed at night, with his little lamp on, on top of his little man end table, with a REAL alarm clock, and all sorts of little man things stashed into his little man end table, with books, and the permission to read books until he gets tired and then he has to turn his lamp off and go to bed.
With the exception of one night, he has done amazingly well.
So I don't have any full size sheets or comforters or anything, as all the other beds in our home are Queen sized.
Yesterday, Reilly the Red and I went shopping for sheets for Jake, as it was Veterans' Day, and she was out of school, and there were big sales.
We went to EVERY SINGLE store in CLERMONT, FLORIDA that sells sheets, comforters, blankets, etc.
And EVERY SINGLE store in CLERMONT, FLORIDA had amazing sales on bed items.
The Captain's request, nope, DEMAND was for camouflage sheets.
Brown and green.
Not blue.
Brown and green camo.
That was it.
I didn't think it would be that hard to fulfill his request, because we live in the redneck capital of the world.
Oh, how wrong was I.
Even Reilly the Red was shocked at our failure.
Finally, at the very last store available to us, I found what I thought would be a most suitable runner-up.
A sports-themed bed set.
A complete set, with two sets of sheets, and all the shams, and a navy blue comforter with all types of BALLS on them.
And it wasn't a 'baby' boy kind of set.
A teenager who loves sports might put this on their bed.
And the Sparrow loves Navy Blue.
And we know we are going to have to repaint his room, and this will be super easy to match colors to, as there are all sorts of blues in the sheets, and some reds and even a spot of orange.
How could he NOT love it?
Mother's instinct is so unbelievably powerful.
They should find a way to bottle it, market it, and sell it.
It is ALWAYS on the money.
Dammit.
I knew he wouldn't like it.
The Sparrow wanted Camo.
Period.
End of story.
But I freaking bought it anyway.
It was a great deal.
It was on sale.
And the store even GAVE me ten dollars to buy it.
Super score, for someone who is a super bargain hunter and NEVER pays full price for ANYTHING.
We come home.
I leave it in the car, but take everything else out.
Billy Two Swords likes it.
Reilly the Red likes it.
Hurrican Rojo LOVES it.
But Rojo knows.
So I told Two Swords - leave the sheets in the car, and let me go break it to him.
Two Swords thinks I'm nuts.
He says, "He's FOUR YEARS OLD! He doesn't get to dictate these sorts of decisions!"
Yes, but that kid can be sold, if you sell it the right way.
So I go to talk to him.
I explain the WHOLE story, about ALL the store, and NO camo anywhere, and I found something I REALLY like, and I think you will REALLY like it too, will you give it a CHANCE?
"No."
He hasn't even seen it!
"Jake, come on, come with me.."
"No. I'm not going to like it. Get me the camo."
I try to explain AGAIN that not only did I search Clermont, I searched the internet the whole week before, and I CANNOT find what he wants.
"No. Get me the camo."
Finally, I don't know how, but I am able to coerce him to come outside and look at the sheets.
I think I carried him, if I remember correctly.
I put him on the swing outside, and I got the package out of the car.
I walk it over to him and say, "Whaddaya think?"
He shakes his head violently, sticks out his tongue and makes that face like a nine year old eating beets for the first time, and says (and I swear),
"Take 'em Back."
And he walks his very decisive butt into the house and shuts the door.
And there I stand, in the middle of the driveway, with a large package of gorgeous little man sports sheets and comforter, and I just look up to the sky and sigh.
"Take 'em Back."
Who does this freaking kid think he is?
"Take 'em Back."
As I write this, the large package of unopened gorgeous little man sports sheets and comforter sits right next to me.
Do I or don't I?
Do I wash them and put them on his bed before he gets home?
Or do I......
"Take 'em Back."
Ugh.
~
Captain Jake Sparrow has a new bed.
A REAL bed.
A REAL big boy bed.
It is a full size bed, actually.
He had a Crib for Life, and was in the 'toddler' stage of the crib.
Since he only weighs 32 pounds (even though he is nearly FIVE), there was no sense of urgency to move him into another bed.
But we came upon a pregnant single mom in need of a crib.
So we decided it was time.
We gave her the crib, and at the same time, Dirty Diana and Tide Water Ted gave us a full sized bed.
Everybody is happy, right?
HA!
Captain Jake Sparrow has done very well in his new bed, for the most part.
He likes being able to go to bed at night, with his little lamp on, on top of his little man end table, with a REAL alarm clock, and all sorts of little man things stashed into his little man end table, with books, and the permission to read books until he gets tired and then he has to turn his lamp off and go to bed.
With the exception of one night, he has done amazingly well.
So I don't have any full size sheets or comforters or anything, as all the other beds in our home are Queen sized.
Yesterday, Reilly the Red and I went shopping for sheets for Jake, as it was Veterans' Day, and she was out of school, and there were big sales.
We went to EVERY SINGLE store in CLERMONT, FLORIDA that sells sheets, comforters, blankets, etc.
And EVERY SINGLE store in CLERMONT, FLORIDA had amazing sales on bed items.
The Captain's request, nope, DEMAND was for camouflage sheets.
Brown and green.
Not blue.
Brown and green camo.
That was it.
I didn't think it would be that hard to fulfill his request, because we live in the redneck capital of the world.
Oh, how wrong was I.
Even Reilly the Red was shocked at our failure.
Finally, at the very last store available to us, I found what I thought would be a most suitable runner-up.
A sports-themed bed set.
A complete set, with two sets of sheets, and all the shams, and a navy blue comforter with all types of BALLS on them.
And it wasn't a 'baby' boy kind of set.
A teenager who loves sports might put this on their bed.
And the Sparrow loves Navy Blue.
And we know we are going to have to repaint his room, and this will be super easy to match colors to, as there are all sorts of blues in the sheets, and some reds and even a spot of orange.
How could he NOT love it?
Mother's instinct is so unbelievably powerful.
They should find a way to bottle it, market it, and sell it.
It is ALWAYS on the money.
Dammit.
I knew he wouldn't like it.
The Sparrow wanted Camo.
Period.
End of story.
But I freaking bought it anyway.
It was a great deal.
It was on sale.
And the store even GAVE me ten dollars to buy it.
Super score, for someone who is a super bargain hunter and NEVER pays full price for ANYTHING.
We come home.
I leave it in the car, but take everything else out.
Billy Two Swords likes it.
Reilly the Red likes it.
Hurrican Rojo LOVES it.
But Rojo knows.
So I told Two Swords - leave the sheets in the car, and let me go break it to him.
Two Swords thinks I'm nuts.
He says, "He's FOUR YEARS OLD! He doesn't get to dictate these sorts of decisions!"
Yes, but that kid can be sold, if you sell it the right way.
So I go to talk to him.
I explain the WHOLE story, about ALL the store, and NO camo anywhere, and I found something I REALLY like, and I think you will REALLY like it too, will you give it a CHANCE?
"No."
He hasn't even seen it!
"Jake, come on, come with me.."
"No. I'm not going to like it. Get me the camo."
I try to explain AGAIN that not only did I search Clermont, I searched the internet the whole week before, and I CANNOT find what he wants.
"No. Get me the camo."
Finally, I don't know how, but I am able to coerce him to come outside and look at the sheets.
I think I carried him, if I remember correctly.
I put him on the swing outside, and I got the package out of the car.
I walk it over to him and say, "Whaddaya think?"
He shakes his head violently, sticks out his tongue and makes that face like a nine year old eating beets for the first time, and says (and I swear),
"Take 'em Back."
And he walks his very decisive butt into the house and shuts the door.
And there I stand, in the middle of the driveway, with a large package of gorgeous little man sports sheets and comforter, and I just look up to the sky and sigh.
"Take 'em Back."
Who does this freaking kid think he is?
"Take 'em Back."
As I write this, the large package of unopened gorgeous little man sports sheets and comforter sits right next to me.
Do I or don't I?
Do I wash them and put them on his bed before he gets home?
Or do I......
"Take 'em Back."
Ugh.
~
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Bucket
~
The Captain was cleaning his room.
I heard some strange words.
Actually, I heard a strange WORD.
Actually, it wasn't strange.
I have heard this word many times in my life.
And as ashamed as I am to say it, I have uttered the word more than I have heard it.
You know the word.
Anyhoo.
I thought I heard the Captain saying "F--- It", "F--- It", "F--- It",
Over and over and over again.
But as he was saying it, I heard cars being thrown into his toyboxes.
And I heard drawers being slammed shut.
And he wasn't mad.
So I wondered if perhaps I was hearing things?
So I went into the Sparrow's room.
He was cleaning. Scary, but true.
I asked him, "Jake, are you saying a bad word?"
He looked sincerely surprised.
"No, Mom! I'm not saying ANY bad words."
"Jake, are you sure?"
"Yeah Mom!"
"Well, Jake, what was that word you just kept saying over and over?"
"I was saying BUCKET Mom!"
"BUCKET? Are you SURE you were saying BUCKET, BUCKET, BUCKET, and not some OTHER word?"
"Yeah Mom! I wouldn't say that OTHER word! I wouldn't."
"Okay, Jake."
"But sometimes I say Damn and Shit and other words like that."
Of course you do, Son.
Of course you do.
~
The Captain was cleaning his room.
I heard some strange words.
Actually, I heard a strange WORD.
Actually, it wasn't strange.
I have heard this word many times in my life.
And as ashamed as I am to say it, I have uttered the word more than I have heard it.
You know the word.
Anyhoo.
I thought I heard the Captain saying "F--- It", "F--- It", "F--- It",
Over and over and over again.
But as he was saying it, I heard cars being thrown into his toyboxes.
And I heard drawers being slammed shut.
And he wasn't mad.
So I wondered if perhaps I was hearing things?
So I went into the Sparrow's room.
He was cleaning. Scary, but true.
I asked him, "Jake, are you saying a bad word?"
He looked sincerely surprised.
"No, Mom! I'm not saying ANY bad words."
"Jake, are you sure?"
"Yeah Mom!"
"Well, Jake, what was that word you just kept saying over and over?"
"I was saying BUCKET Mom!"
"BUCKET? Are you SURE you were saying BUCKET, BUCKET, BUCKET, and not some OTHER word?"
"Yeah Mom! I wouldn't say that OTHER word! I wouldn't."
"Okay, Jake."
"But sometimes I say Damn and Shit and other words like that."
Of course you do, Son.
Of course you do.
~
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Eloise
~
Reilly the Red had the opportunity to morph yet again into character.
This time it was for school.
She had to read a book, and 'morph' into the central character of the book.
Her book report had to contain the similarities and differences between her and the main character of the book.
And she got to dress up as the main character, but she also had to use their voice!
Luckily, we had the opportunity to obtain videos of this particular character.
To some of you, Eloise will need no introduction.
To the other three of you, Eloise is a little girl who lives at the Plaza Hotel in New York City, with a Nanny, and a host of servants at her command, as her mother is an attorney working in Paris.
She is allegedly based on Liza Minelli, who allegedly lived at the Plaza Hotel in New York City as a child also.
Here is MY Eloise:
Yes.
Those are MY snakeskin boots.
That I wear a lot.
And yes, that makes me SUPER AWESOME MOM to allow my daughter to wear MY boots to school because they just 'made' the outfit.
And to the very nosey third grade teacher who commented, "Please tell me her mother packed her another pair of shoes for the day.", the answer is:
DUH.
Yes.
Of course I did.
That's part of being SUPER AWESOME MOM.
Oh buoy.
Could she BE any more beautiful?
Seriously?
She is so gorgeous. Perfect skin, hair, eyes.......
We love our Eloise.
But we love our Reilly the Red even more.
Just the way she is.
Perfect skin, hair, eyes............
~
Reilly the Red had the opportunity to morph yet again into character.
This time it was for school.
She had to read a book, and 'morph' into the central character of the book.
Her book report had to contain the similarities and differences between her and the main character of the book.
And she got to dress up as the main character, but she also had to use their voice!
Luckily, we had the opportunity to obtain videos of this particular character.
To some of you, Eloise will need no introduction.
To the other three of you, Eloise is a little girl who lives at the Plaza Hotel in New York City, with a Nanny, and a host of servants at her command, as her mother is an attorney working in Paris.
She is allegedly based on Liza Minelli, who allegedly lived at the Plaza Hotel in New York City as a child also.
Here is MY Eloise:
Yes.
Those are MY snakeskin boots.
That I wear a lot.
And yes, that makes me SUPER AWESOME MOM to allow my daughter to wear MY boots to school because they just 'made' the outfit.
And to the very nosey third grade teacher who commented, "Please tell me her mother packed her another pair of shoes for the day.", the answer is:
DUH.
Yes.
Of course I did.
That's part of being SUPER AWESOME MOM.
Oh buoy.
Could she BE any more beautiful?
Seriously?
She is so gorgeous. Perfect skin, hair, eyes.......
We love our Eloise.
But we love our Reilly the Red even more.
Just the way she is.
Perfect skin, hair, eyes............
~
Monday, November 9, 2009
Not Me! Monday!
~
This past weekend was NOT Dirty Diana's birthday.
NOPE.
We did NOT have lasagna.
We did NOT watch Grandma Dirty Diana open her dollar store presents.
We did NOT have a fabulous 14 different flavored cheesecake for all to sample and enjoy.
We did NOT have a huge dirt pile to play in.
Birthday Girl Grandma Dirty Diana did NOT engage in a Silly String fight with two of her pirate grandchildren, Captain Jake Two Swords and Reilly the Red.
Dirty Diana did NOT throw out the silly string and then she did NOT grab a hose and did NOT try to attack her sweet little grandson and then did NOT soak him to the bone!
Dirty Diana did NOT have any fun.
NOT Dirty Diana.
NOT MY Mother!
NO Way!
It was NOT tons of fun for everyone.
It was NOT.
And Dirty Diana is NOT going to kill me for posting the following picture all over the internet for all the world to see.
Nope.
NOT me.
~
This past weekend was NOT Dirty Diana's birthday.
NOPE.
We did NOT have lasagna.
We did NOT watch Grandma Dirty Diana open her dollar store presents.
We did NOT have a fabulous 14 different flavored cheesecake for all to sample and enjoy.
We did NOT have a huge dirt pile to play in.
Birthday Girl Grandma Dirty Diana did NOT engage in a Silly String fight with two of her pirate grandchildren, Captain Jake Two Swords and Reilly the Red.
Dirty Diana did NOT throw out the silly string and then she did NOT grab a hose and did NOT try to attack her sweet little grandson and then did NOT soak him to the bone!
Dirty Diana did NOT have any fun.
NOT Dirty Diana.
NOT MY Mother!
NO Way!
It was NOT tons of fun for everyone.
It was NOT.
And Dirty Diana is NOT going to kill me for posting the following picture all over the internet for all the world to see.
Nope.
NOT me.
~
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Unbelievable
~
The pictures you are about to see may hurt your eyes.
A lot.
They are not ugly pictures, by any means, just not images captured very often.
Especially in THIS house.
Be
Very
Careful
As
You
Look
At
The
Following
Pictures......
You
May
Need
To
Seek
Medical
Attention.....
They
Are
So
Unbelievable.......
That MY two little Pirates could sit together so quietly, and nicely, on a Saturday morning, looking at a magazine instead of the television, dreaming about all the presents that Santa may or may not bring them.
Unbelievable!
PS - YES....That is in fact COFFEE that Captain Jake Sparrow has in his cup. About one teaspoon of coffee equal parts one cup of International Delight's Hershey's Chocolate and Caramel Creamer.
Not sure which is worse for him, the sugar or the caffeine...........but The Captain loves his coffee..........
The pictures you are about to see may hurt your eyes.
A lot.
They are not ugly pictures, by any means, just not images captured very often.
Especially in THIS house.
Be
Very
Careful
As
You
Look
At
The
Following
Pictures......
You
May
Need
To
Seek
Medical
Attention.....
They
Are
So
Unbelievable.......
That MY two little Pirates could sit together so quietly, and nicely, on a Saturday morning, looking at a magazine instead of the television, dreaming about all the presents that Santa may or may not bring them.
Unbelievable!
PS - YES....That is in fact COFFEE that Captain Jake Sparrow has in his cup. About one teaspoon of coffee equal parts one cup of International Delight's Hershey's Chocolate and Caramel Creamer.
Not sure which is worse for him, the sugar or the caffeine...........but The Captain loves his coffee..........
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Uranus
~
As most of you know, I suffer, no, I deal daily with having Crohn's Disease.
One of the sidebar notes to Crohn's Disease is that I have to take lots of different meds, for lots of different reasons.
But that's a story for another blog.
The real story is that for some reason, (the reason being the combination of really happy sleepy pills I take at night), I wake up every single morning with the most vivid of dreams.
And some of these dreams actually seem like they could come true. Or at least seem like a story someone might tell. Like a certain little Captain Jake Sparrow?
So here's the dream, as best as I can remember it, and you decide for yourself.
URANUS
So, we, as a family, are once again vacationing in West Virginia.
Captain Jake Sparrow, Billy Two Swords, and the old dudes, (Uncle Chuck, Mr. Gay, and Grandpa) are out working in Grandpa's shed, making a rocket ship. (Again, please keep in mind this is a dream).
So once they get the rocket ship built, which didn't seem like a very long time at all, Uncle Chuck and Grandpa take the first experimental trip.
And they made it to Uranus. And they called the house and said, "We made it. We're on our way home."
So they got home safely from Uranus.
They decided to make some minor adjustments here and there to the rocket ship, to see if maybe they could make it even further or faster, or something, while all the womenfolk (oh yes, including myself, just shook our heads at them).
All the while, Captain Jake Sparrow is his almost 5 year old self, watching everything, listening, never leaving his Daddy's or his Grandpa's side.
So the next trip, Billy Two Swords and Uncle Chuck decide to take the Captain, if that's okay with me, since the first trip was easey-peasey.
Me, being the non-inhibiting wife and mother that I am, who firmly believes in math and science, and that one shouldn't be denied opportunities of a lifetime, because they might crash and burn, hugs my baby and my baby, and tells them to call me on their way home.
So off they go. Destination unknown.
They got to Uranus. For whatever reason, they just didn't have enough power to get any further. They called the house, said they'd be home by supper, and sure enough, there they were! Safe and sound!
More working, more tweaking, more desperate to see how far they can go with this rocketship of theirs.
Well, one day, Billy Two Swords and Grandpa had to head to town early in the morning for more rocketship parts. They got up and out of the house before anyone else had woken up.
They returned, and everybody sat down to Grandpa's world famous biscuits and sausage gravy.
It seemed eerily quiet.
Suddenly, Two Swords and I realize that the Captain is not at the breakfast table.
So we go to his bedroom and see if he is still sleeping.
Nope.
We all start looking for him.
Nowhere to be found.
Grandpa goes out side, comes back inside, takes his hat off, rubs his forehead, and says, "Awww, hell!"
And Two Swords said, "No, he didn't."
And Grandpa says, "The heck he didn't! It's gone!"
Sure enough, the rocketship was gone.
And so was The Captain to end all Captains.
We waited and waited and waited and waited.
Couldn't really call the police, since they were breaking like 10 zillion laws.
At 330pm the phone rang.
I grabbed it.
"Jake?"
"Hi Mom! I'll be home by supper time. Did Grandpa make a pie?"
"Jake! Where are you?"
"Well, Mama, I'm in Uranus!"
"WHAT?"
"Just like Daddy was in Uranus, and Grandpa was in Uranus, and Uncle Chuck was in Uranus, and Mr. Gay was in Uranus."
"I was in Uranus just like everybody else was in Uranus!"
_
As most of you know, I suffer, no, I deal daily with having Crohn's Disease.
One of the sidebar notes to Crohn's Disease is that I have to take lots of different meds, for lots of different reasons.
But that's a story for another blog.
The real story is that for some reason, (the reason being the combination of really happy sleepy pills I take at night), I wake up every single morning with the most vivid of dreams.
And some of these dreams actually seem like they could come true. Or at least seem like a story someone might tell. Like a certain little Captain Jake Sparrow?
So here's the dream, as best as I can remember it, and you decide for yourself.
URANUS
So, we, as a family, are once again vacationing in West Virginia.
Captain Jake Sparrow, Billy Two Swords, and the old dudes, (Uncle Chuck, Mr. Gay, and Grandpa) are out working in Grandpa's shed, making a rocket ship. (Again, please keep in mind this is a dream).
So once they get the rocket ship built, which didn't seem like a very long time at all, Uncle Chuck and Grandpa take the first experimental trip.
And they made it to Uranus. And they called the house and said, "We made it. We're on our way home."
So they got home safely from Uranus.
They decided to make some minor adjustments here and there to the rocket ship, to see if maybe they could make it even further or faster, or something, while all the womenfolk (oh yes, including myself, just shook our heads at them).
All the while, Captain Jake Sparrow is his almost 5 year old self, watching everything, listening, never leaving his Daddy's or his Grandpa's side.
So the next trip, Billy Two Swords and Uncle Chuck decide to take the Captain, if that's okay with me, since the first trip was easey-peasey.
Me, being the non-inhibiting wife and mother that I am, who firmly believes in math and science, and that one shouldn't be denied opportunities of a lifetime, because they might crash and burn, hugs my baby and my baby, and tells them to call me on their way home.
So off they go. Destination unknown.
They got to Uranus. For whatever reason, they just didn't have enough power to get any further. They called the house, said they'd be home by supper, and sure enough, there they were! Safe and sound!
More working, more tweaking, more desperate to see how far they can go with this rocketship of theirs.
Well, one day, Billy Two Swords and Grandpa had to head to town early in the morning for more rocketship parts. They got up and out of the house before anyone else had woken up.
They returned, and everybody sat down to Grandpa's world famous biscuits and sausage gravy.
It seemed eerily quiet.
Suddenly, Two Swords and I realize that the Captain is not at the breakfast table.
So we go to his bedroom and see if he is still sleeping.
Nope.
We all start looking for him.
Nowhere to be found.
Grandpa goes out side, comes back inside, takes his hat off, rubs his forehead, and says, "Awww, hell!"
And Two Swords said, "No, he didn't."
And Grandpa says, "The heck he didn't! It's gone!"
Sure enough, the rocketship was gone.
And so was The Captain to end all Captains.
We waited and waited and waited and waited.
Couldn't really call the police, since they were breaking like 10 zillion laws.
At 330pm the phone rang.
I grabbed it.
"Jake?"
"Hi Mom! I'll be home by supper time. Did Grandpa make a pie?"
"Jake! Where are you?"
"Well, Mama, I'm in Uranus!"
"WHAT?"
"Just like Daddy was in Uranus, and Grandpa was in Uranus, and Uncle Chuck was in Uranus, and Mr. Gay was in Uranus."
"I was in Uranus just like everybody else was in Uranus!"
_
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Benfits of Volunteering as a SAHM
~
So, I've been volunteering at Reilly the Red's school about four hours per week.
I don't interact with the children too much, by choice, thank GOD!
I mostly grade and sort paperwork, and hang up the A and B papers every week.
It's actually kinda of fun, and something I didn't ever have an opportunity to do when I had an away from home career.
Yesterday, I got to witness a humorous moment, and I honestly don't think it was for my benefit.
From some of the papers I see, she draws our family as having THREE members in it, and Captain either disappeared, or ran away from home, or as she probably wishes, he had never even been born in the first place.
So her teacher was verbally quizzing the students on word meanings.
Like, "give me a sentence with the word 'bigger' in it'"
And then he gets to Reilly the Red.
Teacher: "Reilly, give me a sentence with the word 'quite' in it".
And a very prepared as if she had been studying for years for this one chance to say this once sentence, Reilly the Red flung out the following:
"My brother is QUITE the noisemaker."
Swear.
And there are 17 other 7 year old witnesses, as well as a chuckling 30+ year old teacher.
These moments make all the 'bad' volunteering moments, so very much worthwhile!
So, I've been volunteering at Reilly the Red's school about four hours per week.
I don't interact with the children too much, by choice, thank GOD!
I mostly grade and sort paperwork, and hang up the A and B papers every week.
It's actually kinda of fun, and something I didn't ever have an opportunity to do when I had an away from home career.
Yesterday, I got to witness a humorous moment, and I honestly don't think it was for my benefit.
From some of the papers I see, she draws our family as having THREE members in it, and Captain either disappeared, or ran away from home, or as she probably wishes, he had never even been born in the first place.
So her teacher was verbally quizzing the students on word meanings.
Like, "give me a sentence with the word 'bigger' in it'"
And then he gets to Reilly the Red.
Teacher: "Reilly, give me a sentence with the word 'quite' in it".
And a very prepared as if she had been studying for years for this one chance to say this once sentence, Reilly the Red flung out the following:
"My brother is QUITE the noisemaker."
Swear.
And there are 17 other 7 year old witnesses, as well as a chuckling 30+ year old teacher.
These moments make all the 'bad' volunteering moments, so very much worthwhile!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Not Me Monday
A certain individual in our home was NOT in the bathroom recently.
He was NOT screaming and screaming and screaming:
"Hello!
I AM NOT GOING POOP!
Who opened the door?
CAN'T ANYONE GET SOME FREAKIN' PRIVACY AROUND HERE?"
You got it.
The same kid who, at EIGHTEEN MONTHS OF AGE, did NOT spend the afternoon at my company's FAMILY picnic playing with the beer tap.
NOT my son.
NO way.
Could NOT happen.
NOT the Sparrow.
NOT HIM!
~
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Halloween 2009
Oh Yeah?
The Very Lovely Green and Black Witch,
two unmatched shoes and greasepaint for eyeshadow and lipstick.
We were blessed to be joined by our cousin, Kobe, the Grimest Reaper, EVER!
And not to be outdone,Captain Jake Sparrow!
Who not only gave up after 3 houses,
he had some issues in the shower,
because his green paint would not come off his feet, hands, or neck.
We tried everything we could think of:
Nail polish remover,
this grease remover stuff Two Swords had in the garage,
makeup remover,
soap and water,
and nothing was working very well until we resorted to:
SEA BREEZE!
And voila!
The greenness had disappeared, and the Hulk turned back into Bruce Banner.
Imagine explaining that one to the Captain.
Ha. Very funny.
because his green paint would not come off his feet, hands, or neck.
We tried everything we could think of:
Nail polish remover,
this grease remover stuff Two Swords had in the garage,
makeup remover,
soap and water,
and nothing was working very well until we resorted to:
SEA BREEZE!
And voila!
The greenness had disappeared, and the Hulk turned back into Bruce Banner.
Imagine explaining that one to the Captain.
Ha. Very funny.
But alas, we saved the most sinful of all for last:
ME!
Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
BIG TIME!
Especially since my kids had no idea what my costume was.
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