I was NOT born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
I do NOT have any idea who the following individuals are: Jack Ham, Jack Lambert, Mel Blount, Cliff Stoudt, Rocky Bleier, Franco Harris, Jon Stallworth, Lynn Swann, Mike Webster, LC Greenwood, Mean Joe Greene.
I have NEVER eaten a jar of Terry Bradshaw Peanut Butter in my life.
I do NOT recall stealing sips of Iron City Beer (nor Pabst Blue Ribbon) as a child.
When the Pittsburgh Steelers did NOT win their four UN-Super Bowls, my mother did NOT encourage us to bang pots and pans as loudly as we possibly could NOT.
We did NOT go to the top of a very steep cobblestone hill and roll those pots and pans down to the bottom.
No sir, we would NEVER do such a thing. Would NOT. Could NOT. Did NOT.
Last night, after the Pittsburgh Steelers did NOT win yet another awesome Super Bowl, I did NOT carry on the same pots and pans banging tradition with my children.
I did NOT allow Jake to play his drums as loudly as he wanted to in our driveway.
And we absolutely did NOT set off fireworks in the front yard.
Of course we did NOT.
That would be ILL-egal.
I am NOT stupid.