Not Me Monday courtesy of MckMama!

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When I was in high school, one hundred years ago, I was NOT an ugly duckling.

I have NOT since morphed into a beautifully fashionable, redheaded vixen, who just so happens to be UNboastful and UNprideful.

But I DIgress.

Back to the hell of puberty:

I did NOT have lesbian hair (NOT that there is anything wrong with that!).

I had NO fashion sense whatsoever.

I did NOT wear makeup. NONE.

I was NOT a complete and utter dork.

I was NOT a bookworm.

I was NOT a tomboy.

I was NOT as flat-chested as a two by four.

And I NEVER,

NEVER,

NEVER,

NO,

NEVER

stuffed cottonballs into a bra I had NO reason to wear.

AND.....

On the third day after giving birth to my first child, when my milk 'came in', I did NOT run butt-naked towards my husband screaming:

"Look at THESE!"

"They are HUGE!"

I did NOT go shirtless and braless all day.

I did NOT stare at them all day.

I did NOT play with them all day, between baby feedings, when I did NOT continue to stare at them in amazement.

I did NOT pray to God that I could keep them.

They were NOT hard as a rock.

They were NOT painful as hell.

They were NOT absolutely, positively, the most beautiful boobs I had ever seen in my life.

Sigh.

They did NOT disappear.

NOPE.

They did NOT.

Sigh.

Poop In the Yard

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Captain Jake Sparrow: Grandma, I just pooped in the backyard.

Grandma: No you didn't.

Sparrow: Yep. I did.

Grandma: Jake, no you didn't, that's Fred's poop.

Sparrow: No it's mine.

Grandma: No it's not Jake. You did not poop in the backyard.

Reilly the Red: Yeah, Grandma, he sure did. I saw him do it. It was disgusting.

Repulsed and Revolted Grandma: Jake - did you POOP in the BACKYARD?

Sparrow: Grandma! I TOLD you! I pooped in the backyard!

Grandma: JAKE! WHY would you POOP in the BACKYARD?

Sparrow: 'Cuz. I could.

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Show and Tell

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This week, Reilly the Red had the opportunity to bring something to school for Show and Tell.


This has not been a regular part of their school year, so she was pretty excited.


She was a little bit stumped on what she should bring.


None of my suggestions were considered. No surprise there.


She asked me if she could bring in one of MY trophies.


Back in the day when I had a career, I collected many trophies and plaques and certificates.


After they DOWNSIZED me, all of those once-treasured trinkets meant NOTHING to me.


So, I let the kids choose what they wanted, and each of them have some of my stuff in their rooms.


Anyway.....when Reilly the Red asked me if she could bring in one of my 'trophies', I thought it was weird, but I said, Sure.


I didn't see which one she put into her backpack.




I had no idea this was the trophy she took to school:










I have since apologized to her first grade teacher.



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Freaky Friday

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So.......

We have big plans tonight.

There are a couple of big date nights amongst the four of us.

Billy Two Swords and Reilly the Red are going to a "Rolando" Magic basketball game.

Hurricane and the Captain are going to Scrapbook Club.

WHAT?

Wait....did I type that right?

Yes I did.

Reilly the Red earned a free ticket from her school for being a straight 'A' student, so she gets to go to the basketball game.

And the Captain has never been to Scrapbook Club with Mom before, so he is actually intrigued. It helps that he loves to be the center of the attention....he'll be a huge hit.

Are we a well-rounded family or what?!!!

Now, if Hurricane Heather took Reilly the Red to a basketball game, and Billy Two Swords took Captain Jake Sparrow to Scrapbook Club, then that would DEFINITELY be a FREAKY FRIDAY!

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Tomboy

Friends have been asking, "Where are the Reilly the Red stories?"

Well.

Actually, Reilly the Red has been BUSY.

With homework, and chimes, and singing in the Spring concert, and ALGEBRA IN THE FIRST GRADE, and being an overall GOOD girl.

Whew.

And, she is a bit more sensitive and shy about the blog, than you-know-who is.

So....not so many stories about her.

But....

Here are her new shoes.

I think they say more about her personality than words can.

And they make me love her even more....a girl after my own heart.

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Faux-Hawk

The Captain's latest 'do'

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Energy

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Captain Jake Sparrow: Dad?

Billy Two Swords: Yeah?

Sparrow: I need to go to Wal-mart.

Two Swords: Why?

Sparrow: I need to buy a bag of energy for my Camaro's tires.

Two Swords: Ehhhhh....Okay.

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Headache

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The Captain had a rough day at church on Sunday.

Just one of those days.

He was a tad disrespectful to some congregants. Which is highly unusual for him, as he is quite the hand-shaking, baby-kissing politician.

When I gently scolded him about his need to be a bit more neighborly, he responded:

"Ugh! All this talking is giving me a HEAD-ache!"

Thankfully, our pew neighbors laughed.

Whew.

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90% Complete

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Billy Two Swords and Hurricane Heather used to be in the construction industry. For 20+ years.

And then the great economic crisis of 2008.......

But alas, that's not the story.

With both parents being in the commercial construction industry, my kids know words that they shouldn't. You've read about some of these very colorful expletives being used by my children before.

But they also know quite a bit about building materials, and tools, and interesting construction related terms.

When Captain Jake Sparrow was lollygagging with getting dressed the other day, Reilly the Red was right there with a perfect response.

Billy Two Swords: Jake? Are you dressed yet?

Captain: Yes I'm dressed.

Two Swords: Are you sure? Are you ONE HUNDRED PERCENT dressed yet?

Captain: Yes I am dressed. Except for my shirt. And my socks.

Reilly the Red: Dad, he's only NINETY percent dressed.

I was immediately thinking that I would give him his retainage allowance once he got his shoes on.

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Stellan

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Please pray for Stellan.

Please.