Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Public Bathrooms



Last night, I was in the bathroom WITH THE DOOR CLOSED.

Yeah, as if THAT means anything to "Mr. I Can't Poop Unless I have Somebody to Share My Experience With".


Last night, I was in the bathroom, shaving my legs, WITH THE DOOR CLOSED.

My netherregions were NOT exposed, even though the DOOR WAS CLOSED.

Someone....(guess who!) busted open the door to attempt to tell me something uber-important like, Hey Mom Have You Seen That Awesome New Gecko Commercial; or Can I Have Another Green Apple Even Though I've Already Had Four Since Supper Was Over; or Does Aunt Meredith Have My Bahamas Tickets Yet.....


Before he could speak......

The color drained from his face.  Which frightened me for a second, as he's been having his quirky fast heartbeat lately.  My concern immediately dispersed with the next sentence (OUTBURST):

Sparrow with a contorted face and furrowed brow:  "EWWWWW!  MOM!  That is soooooo gross that you are shaving your legs IN PUBLIC!"

Non-Public Shaving Mother:  "I'm sorry. I made the mistake of thinking that CLOSING A BATHROOM DOOR meant PRIVACY?  My bad Jake."

Sparrow:  "Yeah, and I don't even understand why you would want to do such a STUPID thing like that anyway."

Non-Public Shaving Mother Who Is Not in the Mood Nor Has thc Mental Equipment At the Moment to Educate the Savant on Unwanted Body Hair:  "Jake.  Goodbye.  And close the bathrrom door.  And stop opening bathroom doors."

Sparrow:  "Yeah, I'm NOT gonna open any more bathroom doors, cuz i'm scared of (AND I QUOTE!) what the heck you might be doing in there."

And shuts the door and leaves.

Wait a second, guys.

JAKE is afraid of what MOM might be doing behind a closed bathroom door?

I'm in the bizarro world again, aren't I?

This is all a dream, right?  A really, really bad dream, right?

Ohhhhh noooooooo.

This is Day THREE of NINE straight days of the Captain.

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy.


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