Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Faith in Frodo, Donuts, and the Grey Moon


Mister Frodo (or Frudo, or Frito, or even Stanley if you prefer) was over last night torturing teasing my pirates.

He said he would be back in the morning, at around 7 am, and he would bring donuts.

And Reilly the Red and Captain Jake Sparrow (and maybe a certain elderly redhead) put in their 'orders'.

Fast forward to this morning.....

Of course the children are still recovering from this BLASTED FRICK A FRACK A FRICK A FRACK nonsensical, impractical and INANE time change.

The past two mornings have been rough as sandpaper on a hemorrhoid if you know what I mean.  (Yeah, it always comes back to poop.)

This morning, the pirates remembered that Frodo/Frudo/Frito/Stanley would be bringing donuts.

And the clock starts ticking.

We had to do things (oh no she DIDN'T!) a little bit 'out of order' this morning, which meant getting dressed BEFORE breakfast, as breakfast hadn't arrived yet from F/F/F/Stanley, which sent the Sparrow into a tailspin.  I would have said meltdown, but that wouldn't have been appropriate, with respect to those who are suffering REAL meltdowns.


Red had a much better morning today than yesterday.  Yay me!

The Sparrow?  Not so much.

He fell asleep in the chair.

He fell asleep on the kitchen floor.

He fell asleep (totally disgusting, especially since it's 'his') on his bathroom rug.

BLASTED time change!

At about 713am, Jake flips out.

He yells, "Frodo is NEVER going to bring me donuts!"

And I rightfully defended Frodo, saying, "Come on, Jake.  Has Frodo ever lied to you?  Seriously?  If he says he's going to do something, he does it.  If he says he going to be somewhere, he's there."

And Jake yells again, "I got NO FAITH in THAT guy!  He's ALWAYS trickin' me."

(me, cracking up inside - how did Jake connct faith to trusting Frodo to bring donuts?  he's smarter than we all give him credit for, but I could not help but bust out laughing when he said "NO FAITH")

But Jake is right in one sense - Frodo is a trickster.  That's for sure.  Just a little big kid.  Yes, I wrote that correctly.  Frodo is a big kid, albeit a little one.  And definitely a trickster.  But most definitely NOT a liar.

Guess what happened next?

Frodo/Frudo/Frito/Stanley showed up with a dozen donuts in hand, with all requests granted, in PLENTY of time for the donut whores to gobble their fried sugar.

And when Jake comes home tonight, I will educate him that he can, in fact, have faith in Frodo.

Especially since Jake's parents don't generally welcome people into our home and into the lives of our children if we don't have faith in them.

And the conversation will end like this, "Oh yeah?  How do YOU know?"

And I know THIS because just last night, as we were discussing Reilly the Red's solar system science project, I mentioned that we would color Neptune's 13 moons with my gray eyeshadow, as Neptune's moons appear to be as gray as our moon does, even though Neptune is bluish purple.

And the Sparrow nearly spewed his corn and mashed potatoes when he said, "Our moon is NOT gray!  Our MOOOOOOON is WHITE!!!!!"

And again, why oh why do I bother, but I said, "No Jake, you are in fact WRONG, our moon is gray."

To wit Doubting Jake replied, "How do YOU know?"

And I looked at the other member of authority in our home and said, "Billy?"

And Two Swords swallowed HIS mashed potatoes and told Jake, "She's right. (don't you just LOVE to hear those words from your husband???? or your kid????  or the IRS????)"

Oh the Sparrow didn't believe him.  "No it isn't Dad it's white."

And Two Swords VERY calmly (unusual as it is for him to be calm when dealing with the Captain) explained that although the moon LOOKS white from Earth, it really and truly IS grey.

One more time - "How do YOU know?"

Because we don't believe in the "because we said so" technique unless it's the only prudent response to those repeated questions of  'why do I have to go to bed right NOWWW? ' or 'why do I have to brush my teeth', I often feel compelled to PROVE it to him.

It has gotten to the point where the two adults in this home, aka the PARENTS, are all of a sudden not sources of valuable information.  We're now just stupid parents.

So I got the laptop, went to Wikipedia, and showed him an upclose picture of a very GREY moon.

And of course, not to be outdone, the Sparrow hunched over the keyboard and said, "Oh yeah?  Well how do THEY know?  How does WICKY-PEE-DEE-YA know that, huh, Mom?"

Then, and ONLY then did I give up.

I gave up by doubling his evening chores.

Right back at ya' son.  THAT's how I know.  Cuz I know all about the power.  I have it, and you don't.

HAHAHA (evil, wicked witch with green metallic wand laugh).


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