Sunday, December 26, 2010

When I Become Mayor


I think I've disclosed the Captain's not-so-secret desire to be the Mayor of our not-so-sleepy-little-town someday.

And, unfathomably, at the ripe old age of SIX, he has already secured a Campaign Manager.

Aunt Jodi.

I mean, Miss Karen.

The infamous giver of dark soda at 8 pm on a school night.

But I digress.

Inevitably, the dinner conversation turned once again to Mr. Arroganter-than-Thou and his Congressional-like proclomataion of:

"When I BECOME MAYOR....."

Oh buoy.

He started counting on his fingers....

"One day will be hat day.

One day will be pajama day.

One day will be you-get-to-tell-your-stupid-bossy-sister-what-to-do day.

One day will be green apple day.

One day will be candy day.

One day will be skateboard day.

One day will be..........."

And this went on for like, eleven fingers worth of days.

Two Swords casually reminded him that there are only SEVEN days in the week.

The Future Mayor didn't care.

He then futuristically proclaimed that he would cancel school forever.

Until his conservative Republican EIGHT year old sister, the female Alex P. Keaton, responded with, "Dude, we're Republicans. We don't believe in home school, remember?"

Which caused me to spew Instant mashed potatoes at my husband, unfortunate as it was.

But the best part was........

When the Future Mayor said,

"AND! I get to call Mother Nature and tell her that it has to be summer EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR!"

To wit, I responded:

"Do you really think Mother Nature is really a person?"

Dumb question.

"Of course she's a person."

"She wouldn't be called MOTHER nature if she weren't a person."

"And besides, I know she has a phone, and I know she's real, cuz she was on the Santa Clause movie with Father Time who is a real person, and she made it snow. So, if she can make it snow, then she can make it be sunny."

And to what do I find most mind-boggling about this statement?

That Jake is successfully making if-then arguments.

But punched a kid in the mouth last week at school cuz he was walking too slow.

Don't worry.

He only has his sights set on our sleepy little town's mayoral race.

We've told him a hundred times he can't be President.

Not because he won't inherit oil fields.

Not because no one in his family was a Senator.

Because his parents are pirates.

That's why.


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