Dasher the Nice-Nosed Reindeer

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So.

The Singing Sparrow had some real problems getting to sleep tonight.

They were personal problems, and they were justifiably difficult.

Two Swords and I spent a whole lot of time with him trying to get him calmed down, because we knew he was just wrapped up in it and slap wore out.

Ultimately, Two Swords left me alone with the Singing Sparrow.

I turned off his ceiling light, and turned on his little Christmas tree lights right next to his bed.

He is still pretty worked up.

We tried counting backwards from 20 a few times. Captain Jake Sparrow much prefers counting backwards than forwards. I don't consider this any more bizarre than anything else he does, it just adds to the already existent enigma that is Jake.

I tried reading him his new Elephant and Pig book.

Nope.

Didn't work.

Finally, I asked him if he wanted me to sing to him.

He nodded his head 'yes'.

The Sparrow has always wanted me to sing to him. Even though I AM a horrible singer.

In fact, he says that 'we' have two lullabies. One is the Mommy lullably and the other is the Daddy lullably, even though Mommy sings both! Mommy's lullably is "Sanctuary", which when we sing it in church, he yells at the top of his lungs, "That's MY MOMMY'S Lullaby! She sings that to me!" Daddy's lullably just happens to be "Country Roads" (no big surprise there, Mister WVU). But heck, it's a great song and it has tons of meaning for Two Swords, so I sing it. I only know the first verse, but it's enough.

Anyhoo.

I asked the Captain, in his state of heightened anxiety, "what song would you like me to sing you?"

"DASHER"

"Dasher? Do you mean Rudolph the Red- nosed Reindeer."

"Yeah but I want you to call him Dasher."

"Call WHO Dasher?"

"Call Rudolph 'Dasher' and make up different names for all the other reindeer?"

Hmmmm.

Ehhhh. Okay.

So I start it like:

On Dasher On Dancer On Connor On Benjamin.
Comet and Cupid and Jakey and Sammie.....

Blah Blah Blah.....

The most famous reindeer of all........Rudolph the Red....

Sparrow jumps up in hysterics!

"STOP IT RIGHT THERE!"

"Stop what?"

"Singing about Rudolph! I told you to change his name!"

I have no idea what this kid is talking about! (yeah, like THAT never happens)

"So, you want me to sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, but without Rudolph?"

"YES! And I want you to call him DASHER!"

"Okay, so you want me to sing DASHER, THE RED-NOSED REINDEER?"

"NO! I don't want him to have a red-nose!"

Oh buoy.

"Jake! But that's the whole reason for the song! Poor little Rudolph couldn't fly with the other reindeer until Santa figured out that his red nose could be like a light bulb and help them see in the snow!"

"MOM! Santa doesn't need no stupid freaking red-nosed reindeer! He can have lights on his sleigh just like Dad has lights on the golf cart, or we have lights on the car."

"Really? Just because Santa can have other lights, you don't want to have Rudolph in his own song?

"MOM! I HATE Rudolph!

That flashing red light bulb nose just TOTALLY FREAKS ME OUT!"

Oh buoy.

"So Jake. What do you want me to sing?"

"I told you! I want you to sing about Dasher and he doesn't have a red nose."

"Okay, but ummmmmm, what kinda nose does he have?"

"UGH! He has a NICE nose, okay? Geez! It's Dasher the Nice-Nosed Reindeer. How many times to have to tell you before you get it, M-O-MMMMMMMM?" (eye roll)

So I made up a bunch of names for reindeer besides comet and cupid, and then I sang about "Dasher, the Red-Nosed Reindeer!, Had a very niiiii-iiiiice nose!"

And before I got to the end, cuz it took me forever to make it up as I went along, the Sparrow got himself calmed down and fell fast asleep.

Bet you can bet your bottom dollar that if I had stopped seeing the Dasher song and started singing the Rudolph song, that kid would have jumped out of his coma and yelled at me to sing the right song.

I guess I should be grateful that he didn't ask me to translate it into Chinese.

I guess I should.

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