A few weeks ago, Two Swords, myself, and the Sparrow trekked to our pediatrician's office, to have the tip of a colored pencil removed from Captain Jake's punctured eardrum.
The beautifully sensitive, sensitively beautiful, always eloquent Dr. Jill calmly explained to the Sparrow that the only thing he is ever allowed to put into his ear are his elbow and an elephant.
The Captain actually attempted to negotiate this directive, but failed miserably.
Fast forward to this afternoon.............
As I was washing dishes at the kitchen sink, I heard a low, groaning noise. At first, I thought it was Fred, and that he had been injured somehow.
I turned around, fully expecting to see my dog limping on three legs and licking the fourth.
That's what happens in NORMAL people's homes.
Because I was in our house, and I turned around, and I saw the Sparrow, wearing his old-man, green-plaid, robe over top of all of his clothes, with Q-tips sticking out of each ear and each nostril and one in his mouth.
Do not ask me why. Because I asked why.
"JAKE! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? would you do this? What did Dr. Jill tell you about putting things in your ears????"
"MOM! It really hurts! I don't want to talk about it!"
"NO! I want you to tell me what Dr. Jill said, and I want you to tell me NOW!"
"UGH, MOM! She said that the only stuff I could put in my ears was my elbow and a elephant but I tried really hard to stick my elbow in there, really I did, but it wouldn't go, and all the elephants I have are way too big, so I had to go back to Qtips."
Oh, how I wish I made this up.