Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Bang On Me Drum All Day



A few weeks ago, Two Swords, myself, and the Sparrow trekked to our pediatrician's office, to have the tip of a colored pencil removed from Captain Jake's punctured eardrum.

The beautifully sensitive, sensitively beautiful, always eloquent Dr. Jill calmly explained to the Sparrow that the only thing he is ever allowed to put into his ear are his elbow and an elephant.

The Captain actually attempted to negotiate this directive, but failed miserably.

Fast forward to this afternoon.............

As I was washing dishes at the kitchen sink,  I heard a low, groaning noise.  At first, I thought it was Fred, and that he had been injured somehow.

I turned around, fully expecting to see my dog limping on three legs and licking the fourth.

But no.

That's what happens in NORMAL people's homes.

Because I was in our house, and I turned around, and I saw the Sparrow, wearing his old-man, green-plaid, robe over top of all of his clothes, with Q-tips sticking out of each ear and each nostril and one in his mouth.

Do not ask me why.  Because I asked why.

"JAKE!  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  WHY? would you do this?  What did Dr. Jill tell you about putting things in your ears????"

"MOM!  It really hurts!  I don't want to talk about it!"

"NO!  I want you to tell me what Dr. Jill said, and I want you to tell me NOW!"

"UGH, MOM!  She said that the only stuff I could put in my ears was my elbow and a elephant but I tried really hard to stick my elbow in there, really I did, but it wouldn't go, and all the elephants I have are way too big, so I had to go back to Qtips."

Oh, how I wish I made this up.


Tuesday, June 22, 2010

We Made It To Eight!


Happy Birthday Reilly!



We almost didn't make it through, huh?

Got a little bit scary there in the middle parts of the year, but here you are, at EIGHT, in all your EIGHT year old glory, getting ready to spend the entire year studying for a test that you could have passed in utero, the silly FCAT.

A silly test that YOU, of all people, Mensa Girl!  As if you can't read?

Like 189 words a minute or something?

Yes, my dear daughter, you will in fact pass the FCAT.

And I don't want to hear the word EFF-CAT again for the rest of the year!

Let's see.......

What else did you accomplish in the past three hundred sixty-five days?

You definitely got your sea legs, that's for sure.  No more worries about YOU drowning if our back is turned for a second!

Now falling out of a golf cart......hmmmm......that's something you need to work on.  But even though you scared the BAHJesus out of Mama and Daddy and eleventy thousand other people, you were able to notch a few 'firsts' on your belt!

You had your first Bambulance ride.

Your first IV (the drinking straw they stuck in your arm, yeah, the one that sucked and you tried to rip out about eleventy thousand times).

Your first hospital admission.

Your first REALLY REALLY REALLY big and crazy purply black eye!

I know, you understand, the accident was a really big deal, okay, I'm done!

What else happened this year........


You learned to like math!

And by golly, you are darn good at it!

You also decided that you want to be a rock star when you grow up.

Even though Mama and Daddy already think you are a rock star.

And sometimes we need to be reminded that you're not grown up.

That's what happens when you are declared a Mensan at SIX.

You spent the year fighting off the boys your age, and some a few years older, once you figured out that boys play dumb games, games that you are not AT ALL interested in playing yet.  (whew!, says Dad!)

You traveled to 27 states with us.

I can't even list all the things you saw for the first time in your life, and maybe your last, but oh how blessed I am to have been able to see them WITH you, instead of THROUGH you!  We had soooo many good times, didn't we, Ralph?  It was an amazing journey, wasn't it? 

I often wonder what your favorite part of the trip was.

Was it riding the train to the Grand Canyon?

Was it getting to go onstage at the magic show in Las Vegas?

Was it getting to earn all your National Junior Park Ranger badges?


Was it the boating trip at Lake Meade at the Hoover Dam with the Vegas and Texas Pirates and those crazy Bighorn Rams?

Was it discovering another favorite Aunt?

Was it the Meeting in St. Louis which was interrupted by a silly presidential motorcade of all things?

Riding really grown up stuff at your first street fair/carnival?

Discovering that Carlsbad Caverns stinks so bad that we could have gone our whole lives without ever having to go there?

Was it tubing down the Virgin River in Zion National Park, and being brave enough to jump off of your first rope swing?

Maybe I should perhaps just ask you what your favorite memory was, because this could go on forever!

We had some sad stuff happen while you were seven, huh?

Mama was pretty sick most of the time.  I hope you won't remember that as much as the stench of Carlsbad Caverns.

We lost Grandpa.  Right after we hugged and cried and squeezed and prayed for God to save him the first time, God decided he needed him up in heaven, probably to eat up some butterscotch caramel cake,  but definitely not blueberry pie!

And you had to make a really tough decision at that rough time.  You decided not to see Grandpa.  You were scared.  You didn't want to see him any other way than how you remember him right now.  And we didn't make you see him.  That wasn't our decision to make, it was YOURS.  And don't you ever regret it, Reilly Fallon.  You did what was right for you.  You followed your heart and your feelings and that was a very SMART thing that you did.  I am so very proud of you for sticking to your guns, my little Cowgirl.

And as horribly, horribly sad as it was for Grandpa to go to heaven, you actually had some fun moments with your brother.  Like playing in THREE FEET OF SNOW????

Do you remember how freaked out you and Jake were the first time you went into the snow?  You guys were SCARED of the snow!  Y'all acted like astronauts taking your first steps on the moon!   It was soo fun to watch and get to play with you in snow in January, on a day where you should have been in school in Florida, but instead, you got to make snow angels and get blue lips after a West Virginia blizzard!

And you got to see ALL of your cousins on Daddy's 'side'.  That was a rare treat.  You LOVE your cousins!  And you have so many, on both 'sides', that I'm getting a headache trying to count them.

This was also the year that you started to become friends with your brother.  Oh, how this makes Mama and Daddy smile on the inside.  Jake ADORES you!  YOU are his superhero!  And now that he will be going to kindergarten...we are trusting you to be more than his sister on the school bus and at school.  We need you to be his best friend, too.  After all, you are EIGHT for crying out loud.  You can do this.  I know you can.

Something else I know you can do, and I am here to help you, however you need it, is to finally put the thumb in its proper place, and not in your mouth.  Even when you're bored, even when you're tired, even when you're sleeping.  You just have to do it, honey.  We'll get there together one of these days, I promise.

And heckfire, maybe we'll even get your shoes tied!


Flipflops are way more fun!

Reilly, you continue to fill our hearts with love, pride, joy, and fear each and every day.  You are sooooooo beautiful.




Daily Nap-requiring!


A Foodie!

A brilliant, beautiful, sweet child of God, who shines brighter and brighter each and every day.

You were the reason I was born, Reilly Nicole Fallon.

And for that, I thank you.

And of course............


Happy EIGHTH birthday, Baby Girl!



Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Pirate Serenade



Captain Jake Sparrow is currently serenading me, from the other room.

He is wearing his board shorts and his body surf shirt, as he has a "friend who will be visiting us later to go swimming".  (NOT a play DATE, according to the Sparrow).

He is watching a television show called "My Gym Partner Is A Monkey", wherein, I-could-not-make-this-up-if-I-tried, the alleged gym partner who is allegedly a monkey is allegedly named J-A-K-E.

He is strumming his blue "Kenny CHAZZNEE" guitar and he has composed the following lyrics, sung to the tune of "Born to Be My Baby" by Bon Jovi:





I casually informed him that I thought he had the words a bit mixed up.

Songwriter Sparrow angrily replied, "How do YOU know?  It's MY song!  I AM THE ONE WHO WROTE IT, NOT...........YOU!"

Settle down, CHAZNEE, settle down.

Monday, June 7, 2010



Today, Captain Jake Sparrow had some corn on the cob for lunch.

He asked me for some "cobs".

What he MEANT was, he wanted some Cob HOLDERS.

So I gently explained to him that he really wanted Cob HOLDERS, that the COB was the piece that was left after he ate all the corn.

He shook his head violently, rolled his eyes and said, "You have NO idea what YOU are TALKING about!"

Because this ignorant little dwarf of a child that I have spawned continues to think that my own Mensa self is in fact the idiot when I am in fact NOT!, I yelled, "Two Swords!  Tell him I do IN FACT know what I am talking about!"

And Two Swords laughs and laughs and very quietly says, "Yes, she does know what she's talking about.  She's right."

And as the Little Sparrow tried to roll his eyes completely into the back of his head, he said, "Yeah, I don't think she does."

Help me.

The inmate is attempting to run the asylum........


Not Me! Monday

Oh buoy.

We Pirates do NOT have many, many, NOT ME's to report this week!

I am NOT counting the days until Reilly the Red is out of school for the summer (1.85!), as I am NOT exhausted from enduring the Sparrow all by myself each and every day.

His piehole does NOT runneth over!

Last week, I did NOT grab what appeared to be a pouch of frozen spaghetti sauce, defrost it, put in a pot with another bottle of 'fresh' sauce and prepare it for supper.  Billy Two Swords did not come home and say "ummm, are we having CHILI for supper?"  I had NOT mistakenly grabbed a pouch of CHILI and UNintentionally posed it as spaghetti sauce!  It was NOT disgusting.  The children did NOT hate it.  Reilly the Red did NOT say, "What is THIS?  Chili Spaghetti?"  Ugh.

Captain Jake Sparrow did NOT finally learn how to swim!  No he did NOT!  There were NOT a gaggle of witnesses!  His favorite Uncle -- Two Fisted Chris did NOT patiently work with him over and over and over again....

Speaking of favorite Uncle -- Two Fisted Chris -- MY BROTHER, did NOT teach my daughter WITH A BROKEN HEAD to jump into the pool ON TO A BOOGIE BOARD.  NO, he did NOT!

We did NOT have a little family gathering on Saturday, with two people named something like Mare A Dith in attendance.  It did NOT get a little confusing!

And NO, of course NOT, NO one would have consumed adult beverages at this gathering.  NOT frozen pina coladas made from SCRATCH with REAL pineapples in my new smoothie maker by my Martha Stewartesque, Bethenny-in-real-life, wonderfully creative sister in law Mermaidelicous!

And NO, I did NOT have a single ONE of those. 

NOT One!





Thursday, June 3, 2010

New and Improved


Reilly the Red saw that I had posted her "One-Eyed Reilly" photo on the blog last week.

In her infinite, mature-beyond-her-years, wisdom, she remarked to me that "people need to know that I'm okay, Mom.  Can you put a picture up of me, from like, NOW?"

Of course, she is absolutely right.  These photos were taken yesterday.

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, far and near, prayer warriors and bloggers, allow me to introduce a very wet, very happy, most healed,

Reilly Nicole Fallon!

Just for the record, for all you concerned citizens.....she did not get hurt.

And.....she will return to the hospital in a few weeks for a follow up scan to ensure that all of the bones in her face and her skull have properly healed.

We have no reason to doubt that they have.

Just look at her!