Revelation

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So.

The world's a cray-cray place right now, isn't it?

As the (over-involved, yet not a "drone") parent of a Teen and Tween, WHOA!!!!

Jake is 11.
Reilly is 14.

At their level, which, even though they are extraordinarily intelligent and both are ALLEGEDLY 'geniuses' on paper, how does one explain "BREXIT" at their varying degrees of curiosity and attention spans?

How does one explain L?  or G?  or B?  or T or Q?  Honestly, I don't even understand T or Q.  Really, I don't.  I can't stop thinking about that scene in Kindergarten Cop where the 5 year old says "Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina."

How do I tell my very strong, fiercely independent, dare I say 'ferocious' fourteen year old daughter that I cannot allow her to just go to the restroom alone while I shop at certain retail establishments?   How do I explain to her that I am more concerned for her safety NOW than I was five years ago? She is unusually 'worldly' for her age.  I'm sure some of you will judge me harshly for this, but she and I have been watching "Criminal Minds" together for YEARS.  We share many interests.  Including behavioral analysis.  And serial killers.  And how important it is for a beautiful, young girl who just so happens to fit the 'sex trafficking' profile to a TEE, to be able to arm, protect, and defend herself when she is alone, and what behaviors are necessary for her to learn to keep herself safe and ALIVE in this world where so many things just CANNOT be explained.

How do I explain that I CANNOT explain why, a young man, SLAUGHTERED 49 innocent who were just out doing some 'adult' partying, in THEIR BIRTHPLACE?  How do I explain that I CANNOT explain that it still HAS NOT yet to be determined if there is another threat?  If this monster was part of a vast global conspiracy?  If individuals were targeted because of what they believe in?

How do I explain, that I can no longer PROCLAIM, pretty much ANYTHING?

Wait........WHAT?

Rojo?

Fallon?

Soapbox Stealer?

What the HELLLLLLLLLLLL?

Yeah.

I lose more arguments than I win.

I'm in Arguing Anonymous right now.  Working on my first chip.  Not there yet.

But I am apologizing like crazy.  To just about everyone.  Just last week, I apologized to someone for something I did a YEAR ago.  She laughed.  Not to be mean.  She laughed because she didn't even remember.  But I did.  And then SHE apologized for laughing.  And we're totally good.  And I've got a pretty long list of more long overdue apologies that I must attempt.

And heretofore comes my latest revelation.

In case I haven't been "Crystal Clear" a la Colonel Nathan Jessup, I've been as far right of a right winger as one could be.  No need to add any more than that.  Just understand that I have been.  That, jointly with my husband, we've raised our children with a certain conservative belief system that some of our families and friends have supported and encouraged, and yet some have raised many an eyebrow towards.

I'm no longer a far right wing conservative.

No one is more surprised than I am.

I'm 45 years old.

I don't think it's a middle aged crisis.

I am not on any mind-altering drugs.

I don't watch any news channels anymore.

I keep myself educated, as I absolutely love the art of learning.  About anything.  I just love to read. And I have an incredibly annoying habit of inundating my kiddos with "Fallon Fun Facts!".

So here's what I think I am now.

Confused.

Uncertain.

Leaning nowhere.

Desperately searching to find common ground.

Still conservative, but not a winged one.

I don't have a label.

I think I'm beginning to think that no one should have a label.

This is a bit problematic.

Because my husband is staunchly standing his ground that I am in direct opposition to his frame of mind, to a frame of mind I once shared, to a frame of mind that I directly or indirectly directed him towards from, as he is known to say, "Jump Street".

My world is a very confusing place right now.

But so is yours.

How do we explain this to our children?

I can't even explain it to myself.

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