Weapons of Mass Destruction

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Captain Jake Sparrow has been kinda sad lately.

I mean, really, really, really sad.

So sad, in fact, that he actually cried himself to sleep.

Why, you ask?

What did his MOTHER do to him, you want to know?

Very funny.

Actually, the Sparrow has been missing his "bessstest buddy", Ben-10.

Ben-10 has been away on a cross-continental adventure with his family, and has unfortnately been unavailable to have a play date with the Sparrow, or talk on the phone, or get in trouble together at Sunday School.

So for nine days now, I have listened to Jake BEG, PLEAD, IMPLORE me, could he please call Ben-10?

Ummmm - in Africa?

Yeah, I don't even know where Africa is, and I definitely don't know what time it is there, and, no no no, we are no calling Ben in Africa.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

But Alas.

The Lovable and Magical Ben-10 returned statestide tonight.

Within about eight seconds of the Captain learning of the news, the pleading returned.

I'm sure Ben-10 is verrrrrry tired from his trip, honey.  Can't we call him tomorrow?

But Mom!  He's my bessstest buddy!  I need to talk to him!

Against my better judgement, just imagining the phyical state of Ben-10's tribe, and emotionally incapable of empathizing with their mental state, I acquiesced and dialed the number for Jake.

He was polite with Ben-10, Sr., but the Captain made it clear that he REALLY was jonesing to talk to his "bestest buddy".

I was so touched, thinking that he would tell Ben-10 how much he missed him, and could maybe they have a play date again very soon......

Oh boy have I been bamboozled by the Captain YET AGAIN, as you will learn from the following transcript:

Sparrow:  I have a little something I need to talk to you about.

TEN: Oh yeah?  What's that little something?

Sparrow:  It's a little something called your Star Wars Red Light SAVER.

TEN:  Yeah?  What about my red light sabre?  What about it?  Huh?

Sparrow:  I was wondering if you could bring it over to my house on my birthday.

TEN:  WHAT?  You want me to give you my red light sabre FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

Sparrow:  NO!  I want you to bring your Star Wars Red Light SAVER TO my birthday, so we can have our own War of Star Wars!

TEN:  OH!  OKAY!  You want me bring some other WEAPONS too?

Sparrow: Yeah, sure, whatever you want.,  Maybe you could play Darth Nader and I could play Luke Skywalker!

TEN: (remember, he's been on a 28 hour journey, and hasn't missed a beat, YET!)  But Jake, I don't have a Darth Vader costume.

Sparrow:  WHATEVER!  Forget the costume, bring the Light SAVER!

TEN:  HEY!  But I do have a Ben Obi Wan Kenobi costume!  Can I be him?

Sparrow:  Sure.  If you want to be NenBoKyobi, that will be fine.

TEN:  Okay.  Can I bring some nerf guns too?

Sparrow (AND I QUOTE!) - So, what else kind of weapons you got?  Swords?  Knifes?  Rifles?  Whaddaya got?


Note to audience and the parents of Ben 10 - I really want to believe this is completely innocent boy-toy-talk, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking "Somali War Lords in training"  and the word JIHAD JIHAD JIHAD will not stop screaming in my ear!


TEN:  Yep, I got all those weapons.  I will bring all my weapons to your war.

Sparrow.  Thanks buddy.  Will you call me later?

TEN:  Sure!


We hang up with Ben-10, Senior, and Jake screams at the top of his lungs, "woohoo!  Ben-10 is bringing all of his weapons and we are going to have a war on my birthday (ummm in DECEMBER).

Boys are weird.

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