Monday, March 1, 2010

Not Me! Monday


As NOT previously mentioned, I have NOT put on a few pounds.

A few pounds does NOT mean ahem, forty.


It most certainly does NOT!

I have NOT been, um, sick lately.

Sick does NOT mean ahem, taking lots of weird medicines for weird diseases.

Some of these medicines are NOT steroids.
I do NOT have a secret desire to stop shaving my pits and become an Eastern European bodybuilder.


NOT me!

I did NOT go out in public this weekend for a few hours to participate in a bit of community service.

Community service?


NOT me.

I would NOT do such a thing, especially on a Saturday!


At aforeNOTmentioned community service event, I was NOT spotted by a fellow church congregant.

As I was NOT leaving this event, the church congregant did NOT say to me,










Oh how I wish this had NOT come out of her NOT very large mouth attached to her NOT very large head which does NOT have about eighteen chins...........

Oh how I wish she had NOT said:

"So are you pregnant or.........................................?"

Oh how I wish there had NOT been a pregnant pause!


NOT me.

I am NOT pregnant.

Just FAT.



  1. Oh no! You just don't say that to someone unless you know FOR. SURE. Ugh. Steroids suck.

  2. And you most certainly do NOT say it to someone when you yourself do NOT have THIRTEEN chins!

  3. to pic of you and the two mini pirates. Cute!!! Second, an annoying Old Navy credit-card-application-waving person has NOT ever asked me when I was due to deliver. Em hmm Never has happened to me. And I had no medical situation going on. Just told her I was fat and to get her credit card app away from me. Yep. I DID do that.

  4. Oh my gosh. I cannot believe that. It totally blows my mind at how tactless people can be. I need to come down there and take care of something lol. Wow. Steroids suck and I know what they can do to you. I hope you are feeling ok tonight!

  5. you don't have 13 chins!! :) When I first started reading this I thought it was going to be about me asking if you could help me lower the table.. I knew it was light, just large, and wasn't thinking that you saw a large potentially heavy table and thinking what the h&%$ was I thinking :) :)... anyway, I know it wasn't P., she knows better. Was it C. or J.? - if so, to put it in perspective, well, I won't say anything more, you know what I mean though.

  6. N:

    It was not a giant among women.

    If you get my drift.

    Unless you measure giantness horizontally and vertically.

    The best part was the "OR", I mean, the "So are you pregnant..." part should have been enough.

    But then she added the "OR"!