Monday, January 25, 2010



So The Captain is a weirdo.

This has been well documented.

And The Captain loves to dip his foods into condiments.

Like Ranch.

And Mustard.

And his beverage.

Yeah that one is not only weird, but it is totally disgusting, and that behavior has been deemed inappropriate and is severely punished when witnessed by the Hurricane or by Two Swords.

Actually, he picked it up from Reilly the Red. Which in itself is weird, because the only disgusting habit she has is thumbsucking.

I digress.

The Captain loves ketchup.

What kid doesn't, right?

So he loves to dip food into ketchup.

We allow him to dip appropriate foods into appropriate condiments.

French fries = ketchup.

Hot dogs = mustard.

Anything he doesn't like and won't eat = ranch = he is now eating EVERYTHING as long as ranch is involved.

Brilliant, I know.

So the other day, we put this on his plate, in advance of him sitting down and asking for it:

And then we added his homemade, fresh-cut waffle fries (Billy Two Swords is an AMAZING cook!), london broil, green beans, and applesauce.

Of course, we made CERTAIN that none of the food items 'touched', because The Captain is also weird about his food 'touching'.

Yes, we are fully aware that our son has issues.

And yes, we are fully aware that we kowtow to some of his issues.

And yes, we absolutely spank the heck out of him when really necessary.

Choose your battles, friends, choose your battles.


When the Captain sat down to this wonderful supper, to a plate filled with foods that he likes (all of them in fact!), he made one of those "bleck" faces.

I was completely perplexed.

He LIKES all of the food on that plate!

And we even put the ketchup on the plate for him!

And he has his drink!

And none of the food is 'touching'!

What in the heck is that face for????

So I went 'there'.

"Jake? What's the problem, buddy?"

He heaves a very deep sigh.

And then The Captain spoke.

"Was it really NECESSARY for you to put ketchup on my PLATE?"

Two Swords and I looked at each other, bewildered, yet in awe.

Not so much that he totally weirded us out by asking why we put ketchup on his plate, when we ALWAYS put the ketchup on his plate for him.

Oh no, we were bewildered because our son used the word NECESSARY in a sentence.

And he used it correctly.

And we were in awe, because for the first time, we actually had a sliver of hope that our, um, SPECIAL, son might actually finish kindergarten!

And maybe even graduate high school!

All over a little squirt of ketchup!

There is hope!

There is hope!

There is hope!

And yes, my kid is a complete and utter whackjob.....STILL.

But there is hope!



  1. Sometimes, my children can gross me the heck out. As with dipping things in beverages (and then drinking.. *bleh*) or inappropriate dipping (ham into ranch, greenbeans in applesauce), but condiments are a lifesaver for moms of picky eaters. At least for a while. I used to be one of those "no touching kids." My parents tried and tried to convince me it was ok. My mom told me, "well all the food gets mixed up in your stomach." To which my reply was, "yeah, well it has to go in my mouth first."

  2. ROFL! Now THAT was a GREAT response to your Mom. Thankfully, the Sparrow hasn't come up with that one yet. And when he does, what the heck would I rebut it with? Any ideas, now that you're a grownup?

  3. Bubba used to dunk chicken nuggets in vanilla pudding... yep, I stopped that dinner combo.

  4. My brother had to use ketchup on everything. I love that he used the word "necessary." Has he used "actually" yet?

  5. Why, of course, Miss Cindi he has used 'actually'. (he uses 'of course' a lot too). And ridiculous, and seriously, or (MOM! I'm being SERIOUSLY!). His verbal sentence structure and speech patterns are probably like that of a fifth grader but dangit, today in the children's chat he was talking some hooligan nonsense about putting ice cream on a roof and sliding down. And he can't (won't) put his clothes away, and he barely colors in the lines and he barely knows how to write his name, but he sure can drive a power wheels and shoot a nerf rifle like there's no tomorrow. So why am I so concerned he won't graduate high school? You'd have to KNOW him to understand my concern! But God almighty we love him to pieces, and can't stay mad at him for more than a millisecond!

  6. That is a flipping hilarious story! Hooray for blogs that will save it for posterity!

    And I do want to add that SOME things are appropriate for dipping in beverages: cookies and graham crackers, both in milk. MMMMMMm.