As I 'speak', the Captain is, shall we say, um, moving his bowels.
How do you I know this, you ask?
Because I am in the living room, which is 15 feet away from the common, aka 'beach' bathroom, and I can smell him.
So I try to get him to act a bit more responsibly.
Hurricane: JAKE! Close the bathroom door!
Sparrow: But WHY????
Hurricane: BECAUSE! I can smell your poop all the way out HERE!
Sparrow: But I don't want to close the door!
Hurricane: WHY? It smells out here!
Sparrow: I know, right? I don't want it to stink IN HERE! It smells DISGUSTING!
Hurricane: WHICH IS WHY YOU NEED TO CLOSE THE DOOR!
Sparrow: No way! I am NOT going to smell my own poop! It smells DISGUSTING!
Oh how I wish I knew how to operate my video camera that I purchased on QVC on Thanksgiving nite a few hundred years ago, for which I have complete buyers remorse because the damn thing has 80 hours of video recorded on its hard drive which we are not young and smart enough to figure out how to retrieve because all the directions are in Senegalese which is the why the friggin thing was on QVC on Thanksgiving nite to begin with.