NOT Me! Monday

Today, I was NOT wistfully dreaming about having my hair 'done.

I was NOT coveting the eighty dollars it would take to make me 'beautiful' again.

At dinner, I did NOT mention this again out loud, as a lesson to the children about our wants versus our needs.

I iterated that getting my hair cut and colored was NOT a need, but a want.

My oh-so-eloquent daughter corrected me when she said, "NO offense, Mom, but you NEED to get your hair done.  It does NOT look very good."

At which point I did NOT ask her if I could borrow eighty dollars!

NOT me!

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Par - tee

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Hi.

Sorry I've been gone so long.

Have you missed me?  Really?  Well, I have missed YOU.  I have missed daily blogging.  I have missed the positive feedbacks, er, the laughs you have sent my way when you realize how grateful you are that YOU do not have a Captain Jake Sparrow, and I do. 

I have been struggling with my health, but so many of you have sent your personal outpourings of prayer and love and gifts (!), that I couldn't possibly consider 'not' coming back.


I have been grieving, and helping the other three most precious to me to grieve.  I think we have finally moved onto quiet acceptance.  And Grandpa would want to hear the daily Captain stories, I promise you, he absolutely would.

So earlier this morning, I thought, "Maybe I will start blogging again, today."

Nope.  Captain Jake Sparrow turned that 'Maybe' into a 'Most Definitely' by 8:30 A.M.

And.....we're.......BACK!..........

The Sparrow was getting dressed for school.

I heard the usual groans and grunts.

I waited patiently, and finally decided to make an entrance.

"Jake?  You having problems, buddy?"

"Mom!  Something is wrong."

"Okay, so what's wrong?"

"Mom!  There is something wrong with my underwear or something."

"Well, let me see if I can help, okay?"

"Okay."

So I straightened his boxer-briefs, and I pulled up his jeans one more time.  Everything looked fine to me.

"How is it now, Jake?"

He starts dancing around a little bit, wiggling here, wiggling there, with a distinct frown on his face.

"Jake?  What's wrong, NOW?"

"MOM?  It's like......it's like.......I dunno......it's like............"

"It's like WHAT, son?"

"MOM!  It's like.....it's like............it's like my wonderwears are having a party and they didn't invite my pants!"

"WHAT?"

"I know it's hard to understand, Mom, but that's what it FEELS like!"

"Really, Jake?"

"Yep.  Mom, my wonderwears want to know if you want to come to the party?"

"Oh, Jake, I would love to, but please tell your wonderwears 'thank you for the invitation, but I really must work on my taxes today."

And the Captain shrugged his shoulders and said, "Okay."

And that's how the daily blogging fire got lit under MY butt this morning.

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Not ME! Monday

Today, my lovely daughter did NOT say to me:

"Mommy, do NOT get mad, but all of the other moms are a lot skinnier than you are."

Oh NO.

I am NOT mad.

NOT me.

NO way.

AAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

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Not Me! Monday

 

As NOT previously mentioned, I have NOT put on a few pounds.

A few pounds does NOT mean ahem, forty.

Nope.

It most certainly does NOT!

I have NOT been, um, sick lately.

Sick does NOT mean ahem, taking lots of weird medicines for weird diseases.

Some of these medicines are NOT steroids.

I do NOT have a secret desire to stop shaving my pits and become an Eastern European bodybuilder.

NOPE.

NOT me!

I did NOT go out in public this weekend for a few hours to participate in a bit of community service.

Community service?

No.

NOT me.

I would NOT do such a thing, especially on a Saturday!

NOPE.

At aforeNOTmentioned community service event, I was NOT spotted by a fellow church congregant.

As I was NOT leaving this event, the church congregant did NOT say to me,

oh 

NO 

she

didNT!

OH

NO

she

did

NOT!

Oh how I wish this had NOT come out of her NOT very large mouth attached to her NOT very large head which does NOT have about eighteen chins...........

Oh how I wish she had NOT said:

"So are you pregnant or.........................................?"

Oh how I wish there had NOT been a pregnant pause!

Nope.

NOT me.

I am NOT pregnant.

Just FAT.

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