Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Spawn


So, I know what you're going to say.


He is sooooooo gosh darn......C U T E!

Yeah, that's what I was thinking....

Until yesterday.

And no amount of pontifficating was going to change the situation.

He got in trouble at school.

BIG trouble.

And I can't even write about it here, that's the kind of trouble.

It made me madder than a wet hen.

Kinda like this pose right here.....

So, his punishments and consequences were dealt, and he was well prepared to receive them, I gotta give him credit for that.

But several hours later, he did something so utterly S T U P I D......and L A Z Y......and very difficult for a W O M A N to understand and accept as 'normal'.


The Spawn.

He was watching TV by himself in the den.

Then he emerged from the den holding a cup.

Reilly screamed, "Did you P E E in MY Busch Gardens cup?"

And the Spawn proudly said, "YEP!"

And then my head spun Linda Blair style and all the profanities I haven't said since January 1st just erupted like explosive molten lava from my volcanic mouth.

I never dreamed I'd have to ask the Spawn, "What would make you think it is APPROPRIATE to PEE in a CUP while you are watching TV on the NEW couch?  What?  WHAT?  W H A T??????"

And The Spawn replied, "I didn't want to leave my 'spot' on the couch, cuz I was really comfortable."

Me and The Spawn had a serious "Come to Jesus" meetin' after that response.


By the end of the night, The Spawn truly was, 'out of clever things to say'.

Dear God, let's keep it that way for about a day or so, okay?

Thank you.




  1. I have a 13 year old version of Spawn, believe me when I tell you that it does not get any easier with age. Someday, my family is going to have me fitted for my very own straight-jacket..